Television, magazines, the internet, loud blinding billboards, and the media bombard us with couples being in love and intimate. They always know exactly what they are doing or what they should be doing. The message is always loud and clear “If you are in love and with the right one then it all goes magically natural. Orgasms are synchronized up to the second.” So, imagine your disappointment after months of anticipation in getting to know each other. After flirting, wining and dining, and making acquaintance with each other’s friends and families. Even after planning a wedding, buying the dress, furnishing an apartment, and the whole shebang to arrive at the actual moment and discover it is not all orchestrated by some magical higher sex power. Then you ask yourself, we don’t climax together, are we really in love?
The Behind the Scenes
The two of you might feel awkward. He might tug at your hair trying to rest his elbow figuring out the best position for you to be comfortable during penetrative sex. You might graze him with your teeth aiming to do that oral thing you saw somewhere on the internet trying to drive him wild. Anything is possible on this road of exploration. You might not even orgasm at the same time. The chances of having that utopic moment of a unified climax happen less than 25 percent of the time you are intimate. Anticipating that picture-perfect moment where you both orgasm, collapse, hug, and either decide to do it again or fall asleep might not happen and that is ok!
It should not be a reason for frustration or doubt if you were wrong about your love. Sex is a learning process, and it takes time and communication to know each other’s likes and dislikes. You should also keep in mind each other’s individual sexual response cycles. This is a cycle consisting of five phases that describe the emotional and physical changes in sexual interactions.
- Plateau: the period of sexual excitement prior to orgasm
- Resolution: the period of recuperation before you can have sex again
You and your partner might not be in the same phase at the same time and sometimes it requires effort to get the other where you are or figure out what your needs are and that is completely normal and healthy. Do not panic and do not question your love. Sex is a continuously changing interactive process of challenging work!