I receive a lot of heart-breaking messages on my social media inbox from women who are struggling with situations in which they have accepted way less than they deserve. I sigh deeply as I write these words, my heart goes out to each and every story I hear and I keep seeing the root of the issue: not knowing their self-worth. These women, who should be proud of themselves, who should be saying “no” when they get less than what they deserve, these amazing women do not know their self-worth.
The Destructive Loop
But why? Why in the world did this happen? Well, DUH! Culture 101. We have grown up in a society that labels a woman’s self-worth, not by who she is or what she has achieved but by the labels of the men in her life and eventually, the title and prestige of the man whom she may marry! And then she will be destined to be “madam blah”! So, we have generations of women with unlimited potential who are wasting it away because of the peer pressure they face to wait in line to be the great woman “behind” a man like the Egyptian proverb says.
The Way Forward
But how do we get out of this dilemma? I mean, this destructive loop needs to end! Well, here is my guide to ending it:
-
Make Your Own Decisions
Not to please others, not to give someone what they need, and not to make up for what someone else is missing!
-
Screw what other people think
This one is hard especially when you are trying it for the first time. But once you get used to it, you will feel awesome. The more you do it, the easier it will get. Your job in this world is not to make everyone else happy. Your job is to make yourself happy and sustain your sanity and mental health.
-
Know that your self-worth is not contingent upon buying something or becoming someone
Any scenario in which you experience either is not a setup that is good for you! You don’t need to own anything to be whole. Also, you certainly don’t need to lose weight or get grades or whatever to have self-worth. You are worthy because you are you!
The social stigma does not end because we want it to end. It ends because we become the change we want to see in the world. Choose yourself and prioritize your feelings and thoughts and let everyone around you get used to it! Raise your daughters to believe in themselves, their inner voice, and to know for a fact that they do not need validation by men or society or social norms. Get started and we will get there together!
Regina Inani
Career coach, mom, and HR guru
Regina Inani is a coach with a focus on career and lifestyle and an HR guru with many years of experience across multinationals and startups. She is addicted to reading and drinks coffee like there is no tomorrow. She’s also a content creator and a mentor.
“My WHY is that the world needs more women leaders!”
This is so true! Thank you for this article Regina Inani!
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself — no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are — completely; the good and the bad — and make changes as YOU see fit — not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
– Stacey Charter