“Aren’t you a Little Short to be a Stormtrooper?”
The only time a man is okay with hearing those words is outside the bedroom. Unless, of course, you’re watching Star Wars in the bedroom, and if you’ve landed a girl who’s into Star Wars and she’s already in your bedroom, this article probably isn’t for you.
The bad news is, size matters. The good news is both extremes aren’t desirable, and you should probably be more concerned with girth instead of length. That being said, this is one situation where being average isn’t such a bad thing. Why, then, are a lot of men insecure in the bedroom? Tom Jones’ clones aside, most men are overcome with a pressing desire to perform. This simply stems from millions of years of evolution, where only the most virile men found mates to propagate their genes. But in this day and age, other societal pressures that go beyond a simple spreading of our seed mire our bedroom insecurities.
The bad news is, size matters. The good news is both extremes aren’t desirable
Almost all bedroom-related anxieties stem from a lack of confidence, although the particulars of why one would lack confidence are many. Let’s get the first and most obvious insecurity out of the way: physical appearance.
Starting from the top down, a man’s upper body, including their face, is naturally the first thing a woman sees before the clothes come off. Beyond hair and facial grooming (which every man should take meticulous care of) there’s little one can do about how their face looks. It serves no purpose to agonize over your less-than-Depp appearance. And if it really bothers you, growing a well-groomed beard will solve half your head hitches. What is in your control is from the neck down (at least to your pelvis, beyond that is also what fate dealt you). A man’s physical appearance contributes to confidence both outside and inside the bedroom, and those who are not comfortable with their bodies will definitely run into issues in the sack. The most important thing here is not the necessity of having a great physique – although proper exercise and an at least averagely fit body will help you perform in bed – but to be comfortable with the physique that you do have. I know many people, both men and women, who are comfortable with their bodies even though they might not fit what society deems as “attractive”, and that confidence shows outside the bedroom. I can bet you anything that carries over behind closed doors.
It serves no purpose to agonize over your less-than-Depp appearance
Below the waist is something you cannot change (unless you’ve been opening your spam mail). But bigger in this case isn’t necessarily better, and there’s a wide range of measurements you can fall anywhere into which would be perfectly suitable for pleasing your partner. And if you allow me the liberty to say, grooming there also helps visually.
The other main insecurity lies in the man’s actual performance in bed; his ability to please his partner, or more accurately, his perceived inability to please his partner. One night stands aside, where both parties are not expecting that much from each other, the concern about not being able to please your partner is exactly what is getting in the way of pleasing your partner. I do not claim to be a sleeping quarters specialist, but I do know that every woman is different. And even if you have a failsafe technique that has worked so far, you might run into a metaphorical – and possibly literal – wall at some point. In long-term relationships, communication is key, and that holds true in the bedroom as much as outside it. Some couples are open to trying new things, and being frank with their fantasies doesn’t worry them. This kind of openness in the bedroom is probably the most important criterion for keeping a healthy sex life, but a lot of men are afraid to ask their partner what they like in bed, for fear of seeming only average in their performance.
even if you have a failsafe technique that has worked so far, you might run into a metaphorical – and possibly literal – wall at some point
Due to several different forms of pressure which society and culture place on a man, it’s common for him to feel the need to at least seem like he knows everything. And in my opinion, that’s what gets in the way of personal progress. My advice to women is to be proactive, and tell their man exactly what they like and what they don’t. And my advice to men is to be open to the constructive criticism they get, or even better, ask your partner what she likes. Assuming women know what they want, the best way to find out is to simply ask.
When he’s not doing research for this article, Mickey enjoys long walks to the kitchen and watching the sunrise on television.
Facebook: Mohamed ‘Mickey’ Ibrahim