I often find myself wondering what the hell am I doing on this earth? I ask myself deep questions like are we really born to pay the bills and die? Why am I locked in a big, modern, fancy office with lots of cables around me, and three telephones ringing at the same time? Will I be happier if I were in a different setup? What will happen if I drop everything and fly away? Will the world stop if no one can seem to find me? I am not speaking about death, on the contrary, I am speaking about life –living.
A really deep question would be, what is living? What makes my life more interesting than yours? I skim through Instagram and all of those famous ‘travel bloggers’ flying all around, seeing all of those beautiful places.They look damned good in that pool, or on top of this mountain, and absolutely stunning in a big green field with sunrays dancing around them. They seem like they have an amazing life, alife you and I would die for… Next thing, I am in Dubai for a four-day business trip crying my eyes out that I want to go home because I miss my pillow, my bed, my toilet, my husband, and my kids. Back to square one; what the hell am I doing on this earth?!
Now here is the tricky part: we all want what’s not ours.Old news? Well, how about this: we all want what is not ours, and we do nothing about it. The other day a friend was talking to me about why people get stuck in relationships. I answered, they do not just get stuck in relationships, we get stuck in everything that makes us feel comfortable –not necessarily good, but comfortable. I am stuck in that office because that’s the best thing I know how to do. I am too scared to jump out of what I know best, and try that special something that can turn my life upside down. I have learned, and have practiced, what I do for years that it has become who I am. Dubai is a scary place if I do not have all the things and the people I am used to with me.
I keep reminding myself that I am not a tree, I can move, but I fail to do so. I wake up every morning expecting a new challenge, something special, a daring action, a life, but I never take an action to actually realize this. The thought of moving into the unknown is scary and unwanted by humans in general. But maybe, just maybe, the known is not that bad after all.
Just then, when I was about to give up on finding a decent answer to my eternal question it hit me. I do not want to be a travel blogger; I want to travel. I do not want to be a die-hard career woman; I want a decent job. I do not want my relationship with my husband to be the ultimate sacrifice, heart-moving love story; I want a loving man and a decent home. I am happy. I am a happy, non-adventurous thirty-three year-old woman. I am happy, and this is where the answer to my question lies. I am not a bummer, and I am not lazy,but I am also not a sports freak looking for the perfect waistline. I am not a slacker, and I am not a moocher. I am a committed,hard-working person who wants to do her job the best way she knows, and get paid well. I am not looking to be remembered across history books, but I am aspiring to leave a nice imprint everywhere I go. Above allI am not looking for perfection, nor am I settling for what is less. I am looking to be happy;realize my simple dreams and be happy.
Today, at the age of thirty-three, I have realized that you do not need to do heroic things to be great. It is ok to be normal; the world needs more normal people. There is no space for super heroes out there; but there sure is a lot of room for a hard working housewife that leads her family into greatness. Each and every person is a super hero one way or another. Today, I have learned that being great is a state of mind; and being happy is a state of heart. Only today I recognized the fact that my life is just great the way it is. It is not fancy and it is not social media material, my passport is not filled with stamps, and I do not go to the ‘in’ places every weekend. I am a normal, average, settled female and that just makes me super.
To all of you battling on the inside, to each and every woman who stands in front of the mirror asking herself, when will this agony end I say, it will end only when you realize that your life could not have been greater. Only when you realize that sadness, analysis, and self-breaking will lead to more sadness and more self-hatred. Look at your life and break it into little blessings, and rest assured that you are in the right spot. If you are not, and you know that you can give more or do better then move on, you are not a tree. As for me, I will enjoy this cup of green tea, keep skimming through Instagram, smile to myself and count my blessings.
