What is Sexy: Subtle or Obvious?

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I have said it before, but I will say it again: I am a firm believer in subtle sexiness; but I do acknowledge that sometimes being obvious can be very sexy as well. The act of audaciousness, in the proper context, is a turn on in itself. So maybe the question should not be which is sexy? Or even which is sexier? But maybe, what is sexy at which occasion? Or, which serves what purpose?


Apparent, in-your-face sexiness, be it cleavage, curves, exposed skin, beautiful features, and the like, resonates with the animal in us, it feeds our carnal instincts, while covert sexiness, such as certain character traits, a genuine smile, a meaningful yet fleeting look, an overall attitude, or any of those sly mannerisms that will go unnoticed, except by the watchful, and usually appreciative, eye, titillates our senses, and talks to our intellect. You could say that together, they represent the yin and yang, the light and dark in every one of us, one cannot exist without the other, one should not exist without the other, but inevitably one is more dominant over the other –that is why one type would appeal to a person more often than the other, with varying degrees, of course. At least that is the way I see it.


This could explain the contradiction that is scantily clad women –they are seen as tacky, yet they are also considered sexy in an animalistic sense, and that is because they respond to a very raw, very basic human need: the need to procreate. Plus they are confident enough to flaunt what they have in their mini skirts, low-cut tops and skin tight jeans. And like we have established before, confidence is sexy. Their confidence is the audacious kind though, the kind you usually love to hate, the kind you could even call borderline arrogant, or in some cases downright trashy, but that is another story entirely.


The same corporeal instinct theory applies to something like the bad boy fantasy: he is not tacky, but he is totally wrong for you. He is also audacious, dangerous and very obvious, making no excuses for the way he is, tapping into your dark, primitive side. In the words of Paris Hilton: “That’s hot!” Mind games are fun and interesting, but sometimes you just need the apparent, maybe even the savage.


A male friend of mine finds both Scarlett Johansson and Evangeline Lilly very sexy women. I agree with him, but they are very different; one has the bold, forceful kind of sexy, while the other corners the market on the cutesy, coy sexy brand. Scarlett is all about the body, with obviously appealing features, while Evangeline is more of an attitude lady, oozing sweetness out of every pore. They way he puts it is, for him, Scarlett sexiness would be for a one-night stand, while Evangeline sexiness is more long term material.


What I am trying to say is there is more than one way to get the blood pumping, you do not have to be one way or the other: you can be both. When and how though are what will ultimately make all the difference.


For example, why do certain females feel the need to use what I like to call the fish net method? This method involves something like painting on second-skin pants (the type you would otherwise need a surgery to get into) and boldly going out into the world, sharing their good fortune with anyone looking, and then some, therefore casting a very appealing net to catch whatever comes their way. Or maybe wearing low cut tops and jiggling their way through the day. The examples are countless, but you get the picture. This is, of course, one of the facets of the blatant sexy type that we were just talking about, and while it is sexy and it certainly leaves a strong impression (positive or negative), it is hardly necessary for everyday life.


On the flip side, subtlety does not really cut it behind private doors. Case in point: I have a friend whose name I shall take with me to the grave, I promise (no remember, friend, you did give me the go ahead to use this, so do not change your mind and come after me); said friend cannot imagine herself stripping in front of her husband (whether for the teasing kind, or for changing purposes); she is worried he would laugh at her “wobbly bits”, as so lovingly named by the insane, but lovable Bridget Jones. The thing is, and this is something we, her girlfriends, keep telling her, the man will probably be really grateful for any skin sighting, wobbly or not; this is possibly about as sexy as sexy can get. Here is hoping she comes around.


That, of course, is not to say that women should dress is burlap sacks when in public, and that wives should always act like high end call girls. Ladies, by all means, dress up your best features, just do not make that the end all to be all, do not turn it into an end unto itself –it is not what you are all about, and it should not be. A little tantalizing goes a really, really long way. Think ice berg: one eighth above sea level, seven eighths below, that way you will have the mightiest of them gladly eating right out of the palm of your hand. As for all the wifies out there, the occasional, for his eyes only, burlesque show, never harmed any one, and it will make even the grouchiest of husbands, an extremely happy man.


So, again, boys and girls, there you have it, sexy can be obvious, in your face (but not tacky), and sexy can be understated and calm, with neither one being less effective or packing a lesser punch. Maybe now you know when it is that you look for which kind, and when your partner could use a dose of which one of the two. So give and take accordingly. Have fun.


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