MEN – Definition in the female dictionary: The most incomprehensive, unstable, irresponsible, childish, insensitive, irresistible species on the face of the planet earth and any other planet.
MEN – Definition in the male dictionary: The most powerful, straight-forward, obvious, smart, know-it-all species on the face of the planet earth and any other planet.
This debate has been going on for centuries and decades and no one seems to know what the problem is; men say women have no idea what they want and women think that men never understand them. Well we might be complicated a little bit but what you’re about to read now is a MUST KNOW about men!! This magazine is talking to women and what women want and the latest trends in fashion, make up, how to lose a guy in 10 days and all of that, so we decided to take a shot at coming up with the ultimate men’s magazine: what would it contain?
I’ve had a few conversations with some men between the age of 27- 40, asking them what would they like to know about in life and what would they like to finally understand about the opposite sex. Here are a few of the topics that were mentioned:
How to get her into bed without saying “I Love you”? What has “sex” got to do with the “I Love You”? If she enjoys the sex then why do I have to certify it with I Love You? She’s attracted to me, I’m attracted to her, we have sex, we both enjoy it so what’s the problem? Why do I always get the “We can’t do this again if you don’t love me”. NO COMMENT
My girlfriend and my f@#$ buddy: I love my girlfriend, she makes me happy, she makes me feel alive, she’s got a great smile, she’s beautiful and she’s a virgin! I respect her very much and I respect that she doesn’t want to have sex before were married but why can’t she understand that I have manly needs? I have a “f@#$” buddy with mutual benefits. We both don’t want to have a relationship together, we just enjoy having sex together, no feelings involved and we both know that, why would my girlfriend take this as a betrayal if she found out? HUH? ARE YOU SERIOUS? DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE WHAT YOU’RE SAYING? Why is it just OK for a man to sleep around AND get to have a decent girl to love him?!
Top 10 … (fill in the space): Men would like to get any info in points; they don’t want to waste time reading. “The Top 10 perfumes, Top 10 trendy shoes, Fact or Fiction; eating lots of carrots lets grey hairs come out faster, fact or fiction? Strangely enough, they actually believe these things.
Celebrity Interviews: They want to read about how Gerard Butler got his six pack for the movie “300”. They want to know what exercises and supplements Brad Pitt used to get his biceps in Oceans 13. This is good, at least they’re a little aware of themselves and of their appearance, and at least we can grumble about how they’re not taking care of their looks when they start complaining about our bellies or about not paying a visit to the beauty salon.
Turn Ons and Offs from women: They want to know what turns a woman on and what totally turns her off. Also, Top 10 Hot Spots; “70% of women in the world say that their top 3 Spots are neck, nipples and knees”. Here we go, back to sex again.
How to deal with a female boss: It seems to really be an issue for men; having a female boss causes them a lot of insecurities. They’re so itchy when it comes to superiority from a female. They just can’t seem to accept the fact that a woman has authority over them. They would like to know how to deal with it; in other words, how to kick her out!
What do women need/expect from men: I was surprised when this came up, they genuinely want to understand women better, they’re confused because we’re so moody and indecisive. Today “I Love red”, tomorrow “Red is the worst color ever created”. Men would love to have a manual just like “The MANual” written by Steve Santagati (which is a must read by the way ladies)… they need someone to tell them what to do when she’s PMSing or when she’s pregnant, or when she REALLY wants chocolate NOW, or when she starts screaming her head off at the security guard who is just trying to help her park!
Me and my Ex: Men don’t seem to have a problem with keeping the ex-girlfriend as just a friend. They wonder why we get attached all over again when we’re just friends. For a man, he flung the relationship but still thinks the girl is cool so hey, let’s stay friends (which is the typical cliché that comes 2nd after “it’s not you, it’s me”). Men need to know why it is so difficult for women to NOT get attached again and why it’s not OK for us to stay friends after a break up.
Aphrodisiacs: This was a very common topic among all the guys I’ve talked to… they want to know what turns a girl on in terms of scents, food, moves… everything. They also want to know what’s in it for them; what type of food would give him a better performance apart from the typical seafood etc. They want to know if there are certain exercises to lengthen the duration. They want to know all about the newest and latest sexual positions that would help lengthen the duration too. Sex really IS taking up a lot of their brains!!
The Art of Kissing: I don’t think there’s much that I can say about this topic but apparently they want to know how to use their tongue, how to move his hands around her while kissing, how to allow her to kiss you back, and it goes on and on from here…
COMICS: What’s up with men and comics? What’s up with the Arabic version of “Mickey” and “Al Ragol Al Mostaheel”? Quoting what they told me about comics “It helps me release my mind from real life… it’s like a little fantasy world I live in for a few minutes”. Another one said “It just makes me feel like a child again, no responsibility and something to laugh about”. Yeah, and they think we’re air-heads!!
What do women NOTICE in men? OK we all know that men notice two things; boobs and butts, period! But they really want to know what do we look at? Do we look at their crotches? Apart from noticing their watch, shoes and nails, what else do we notice? Back? Butts? Shoulders? Wrists? Arms? Ok it’s a long list but they want that list in a pocket guide format.
Since this is a mini-male magazine, I decided to “dipstick” the topic and have a brief conversation with some of the familiar names and faces in our society. Men we know, we have seen on TV, watched on the silver screen and heard on the radio. Their job is to convey the messages that other people want them to convey, but what about what THEY want as men? Here are some bites of what they had to say about what THEY want from their life, career and partners:
“What do I want to read about as a man? Hmmm. Here’s a fact of life; MEN HATE READING!! The only time a man reads is while he’s in the bathroom, and the magazine in that bathroom will most probably be the same one eight years later (but with some extra scents) because we just simply hate reading. If I DO actually end up reading, I’d like to read something that gives me a useful piece of info, like the Da Vinci Code for instance; it’s a story but with a meaning, gives me info about life in general. When it comes to what I want in my spouse/partner, I want her to love me to death; not just because love is the key to everything and all that cliché but if she does truly love me for who I am as a person, she will handle with me everything I will go through and will bare all the ups and downs that I may face with my career and life in general”.
“I want one thing in life and that is to achieve one goal which is THE career that I want, I want to be a successful actor locally and internationally. I want my life to be based on traveling around the world all the time, even though I definitely want to be based somewhere and go back home whenever I could. I also want a wife to share my life and success with. If she was in the same field it would be great as long as she’s not an actress. She could be a scriptwriter, a director, or whatever else not even related but I’d like her to be with me if it’s possible without being too dependent on me or she could have her own career and life but be ready to bare with me my excess travel. One more thing I want in life is kids!! Kids are my life, I’m my nieces’ and nephews’ best friend. I want my kids to be my wife’s first priority, and if I’m there I’d give them every second I have. Jumping onto what I’d like to read about, it would be about the latest trends for men; latest watches, cuts and fits, suits, etc, also I’d like to read about relationships and get the unlocked keys to women”. Ashraf Hamdi, Actor/TV Presenter on OTV.
“It would be great if there was a whole section in a magazine that is titled: “El 3azab Emra2a” (Torture is a Woman) – How to understand a woman in 1,500 steps, and when you reach step number 1,500 you should be quite sure that you never will understand a woman because women are incomprehensive and are never satisfied. I would also like to find an always updated dictionary about the latest slang words used on the streets lately, so when someone calls me “Ya Khobo2”, I need to know that he’s cursing at me. What I really want in my career is to utilize my talents and tools correctly; God gave me the talent and life gave me the tools. I have a microphone on the radio, a camera on TV and a stage when I’m doing a stand up comedy show; I feel that I have a message that I have to convey in a simple useful way so that I don’t waste people’s time… the words coming out of my mouth must have a target and a message”. Akram Hosny, Radio presenter on Nogoom FM and the famous “Sayed Abu Hafiza” on Moga Comedy.
“What would make me pick up a magazine and actually make the effort to read it is to have a topic on the cover that would magnetize me or have a photo of a celebrity or someone that I like or admire. When it comes to what I want in a relationship it’s quite simple and tough at the same time; I’ve been a very independent person all my life. I’ve gotten used to taking care of my own self and doing things my own way. When I’m in a relationship I want to feel like she’s taking care of me, supporting me with work and life in general. I also hate nagging; I don’t want my partner to call me up at work to tell me that the water is cut off or so, what do I do?! I like my girl to be independent and smart. SMART is the key word; I appreciate a smart woman who can keep the balance between being a female when it comes to treating her man and being a tough cookie when it comes to life matters”. Ahmed Fahmy, Actor.
“A woman is a package; I can easily list 10 things that I want in a woman but when it comes down to actually meeting her, that list could easily go down to 3 or even none of the above. She might not have what I always wanted but has so many other things I never knew I wanted but when I found them I felt they compensated for other stuff. It goes both ways; if I decide to move forward with this girl along with all her flaws, she in return will accept me with all of mine. I think that if everyone thought of what the OTHER wants or what’s available instead of just thinking what they want, life would be a lot easier. Another point I’d like to mention is that reaching “Satisfaction” or contentment is extremely difficult. We don’t have this concept in our lives, we say Thank God all the time, but do we actually mean it or DO it? Are we really thanking God and feeling internal peace and feeling comfortable in our own skin or are we always whining about why it always rains on me? That’s a thinker!”, Marwan Kadry, Radio Presenter on Nogoom FM and TV presenter on OTV.
I think with the above information we could easily come up with a “male” version for What Women Want magazine; topics are ready, reviews are there, interviews: check… we just need to go into printJ If I was to summarize men in a few words and add my own definition of the word “MEN” in the dictionary, I would call them “Self-centered, single track minded, empty headed perverts”. OK I’m just kidding.
Men are extremely different from women and have very different priorities and calculations in life, but what I know is that when a man decides he wants something, he will never change his mind and that’s something to respect. Women on the other hand, never know what they want and that’s why this magazine is still going onJ No offense May JJ