The impact of a previous partner on our current lives may very well depend on a number of reasons. Why the relationship ended? How it ended? Is the relationship really and truly over for both partners? Did both partners achieve the closure they were seeking? The magnitude of a break-up drains both partners’ emotions to a great extent. Unfortunately, the only thing left they have to offer is usually exchange of name-calling, spreading rumors, or even complete avoidance of one another.
Picture the following situations for a moment. You walk into a place and find your ex, so you a) find the nearest guy to talk to in a semi playful/flirting manner, b) completely shun your boyfriend and act as casually as possible, c) try to show off by doing something that will grab the attention of everyone in the place d) go talk to everyone of his friends, without ever acknowledging his existence. If you found yourself in one of these situations then you need a serious attitude adjustment.
Women with bad break-ups can be categorized into two groups, those who have moved on, and those who pretend they have. However, my article is suggesting the same steps for both groups, because regardless of which group you fall into, or your reason for splitting, nothing can stop you from achieving a pleasant and gracious break-up. The following steps might show you how.
As it is the case with any problem we encounter, the first thing you need to do is to understand it. You need to be absolutely clear on why the relationship ended. Whether it was betrayal, emotional abuse, falling out of love, or even falling for another, you have to establish the main reason for the split. Once you do that, you should put yourself in your partner’s shoes to understand how the ‘other’ person is thinking, what they need to know and how they could be feeling. This will outline you the necessary questions and explanations needed for your closure. When you realize this, you need to schedule a meeting with your ex. I suggest somewhere nice and quiet, but also suitable for avoiding the public’s attentions in case things get loud. It is crucial that you take some time to cool off before the big talk. As most of the ugly feelings and hurtful talks are usually disposed during the final stages of a relationship, a lot of anger and resentment are experienced along with it. If you choose to talk immediately after the break up, chances are, both of you will only be snapping back at each other and looking for the quickest, meanest come backs instead of working on finalizing the relationship. Therefore, a couple of days to collect thoughts and dispense revenge are the best way to go.
Once the big day has arrived, it is absolutely crucial to stay on the topic. It is more likely that you would feel a lot of bottled feelings and angry thoughts. Also, the main subject is likely to get stamped on by a number of anger, hurt feelings or even other pending topics. Nevertheless, you should always remind yourself why the relationship ended and explore it accordingly, rather than going back and forth examining problems that no longer come into play.
Try to avoid assigning the blame, rather focus on explaining how certain problems led you to your decision. Pointing the finger will only make matter worse, and it will lead you down a dead end road. After all, it wouldn’t matter who was more at fault and responsible for terminating the relationship, it would only matter how you can take it from this point onward to a smooth split. Once you have achieved the closure you desire, you should end your conversation on good will. You can wish him well, or look forward for you next meeting, anything that can indicate that you are taking the highroad and moving on properly. This paves the way for your next encounter, whether it is planned or unexpected; it will make it easier for you to greet him with class and grace since most of the ugly feelings would have been washed away.
With the constant changing world we live in, it sometimes seems extremely difficult to keep a successful relationship; especially, when we keep hearing of break-ups and divorces on a regular basis, headlines of lovers killing one another, and songs asking where all the love disappeared. Well, I believe that love still exists, but like everything else in our environment, we are abusing the last of it. We should seriously take a close look at ourselves and ask what we could be doing wrong and work on it. The above mentioned steps are good guidelines, but they are not magical.
Although these steps might seem like you are giving up, or portraying weakness on your part, as politeness is usually perceived as such. However, this only shows that you are mature and strong enough to handle a tough break up with class and poise, instead of the low manner most people choose. It will make you gain status and great deal of respect among your- and his friends. It will also say a lot more about you as an mature woman and the way you are capable of handling your relationships. Chances are, your previous partner will realize you for what you really are, a lady who should be treated with the utmost respect. So ladies, always remember ‘politeness hurts a lot more than rudeness.’
