Actually, after asking some friends, some of which are either in this phase right now or have been in it before but couldn’t cope or that have gone through it and actually happily married now. I decided to just share and quote all what they had to say as spontaneous as it came from them. You’ll be able to see the pattern as you read through them, and you know what? Tick every point that applies to you, you’d be lucky if you missed 1 un-ticked!
- Both partners being very busy and stressed with work and trying to find the time to meet up to discuss the apartment.
- The apartment and all the different tastes and points of view about everything… you want something and he wants a completely different thing.
- Having your fiancé ‘win over’ your family (your mom/dad always finds something wrong with him and you find yourself defending him and storming out of the room constantly).
- Different personalities therefore different paces i.e. you may think you need to shop for an apartment ASAP while he thinks there’s no rush until 2 weeks before moving in.
- You can’t go home together!
- Love is no longer the only thing or subject between you two. There is now the carpenter, the ceramics, the electrician, choosing the colors of the living room, etc. While before engagement you only talk of how great love is!
- Having to find out the "other face" of your fiancé, such as the one with his family and being forced to tolerate few family issues (tant folana and uncle folan) whom you may not like, and suddenly realizing new rules of relationship and family obligations (i.e. him trying to mold you into his own world).
- His constant tendency to take his sweet time to do anything while you are killing yourself to get things done to get married. You want to see furniture stores and exhibitions and he wants to go dancing!!!
- Trying to please your close network; parents, fiancé, friends, family; managing to be perfect in all roles.
- Long conversations with compromises from both sides in order to reach a satisfying solution.
- Setting expectations for a complete life that is still starting!
- Both (male and female) are pretending to be someone else, which leads to a shock after marriage, and may lead to divorce a few months later.
- Searching for furniture, “we el mashaweeeeeeeeeeeeeer el keteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeera” (lots of errands) just to buy a set of spoons for example.
- Preparing for the wedding and searching for a place for the wedding party. Let alone… the wedding list!
- Knowing each other too much is not good.
- Tadbeees JJJ (You’re stuck!)
- Parents getting too involved.
- You ALWAYS have to look your best (look like a “Aarosa”) JUST in case you met any of his friends or family members by coincidence.
- The stress itself of getting married, leaving home and wanting everything perfect.
- Really getting to know each other during bad times and determining is it really worth moving forward or not.
- Thinking that major issues in the other’s character will not show later and will easily be treated by time.
- Sometimes families think that the bride wants to “temos dam el 3arees wa khalas” (suck out the groom’s blood/money), though it is for both of them at the end, but that’s the way it is!
- If the groom has a sister… that’s a crisis. Everything she says is always correct and is what will happen!!
- Family commitment and you always have to watch out all what you do or say because anything you say can and will be held against you!
- Trying to filter out what to tell or not tell your parents and fiancé about each other.
- You suddenly feel that you have been deprived from the freedom you had before you got engaged. E.g. Weddings, traveling, outings in general – your parents trying to prove a point to you fiancé and his family that the engagement in not a license. Ugliest part: you’re stuck in the middle and wish you could go back to the dating phase!
- Having to go out with people who have been married for a while and they start complaining about how bad marriage is and actually start making fun of how you and your fiancé still care to wait to eat together. It’s very frustrating.
- Your friends are in a totally different phase from you, either married with kids so you have nothing in common, or still single and far from marriage so they expect more of you which you cannot do.
- You both have opposite working hours so when you are busy/tired, he wants to talk and vice versa!
- All the fights in general about everything due to the tension and stress, especially during the month before the wedding.
Last but definitely not least, quoting from my dear college and friend
“Engagement is the period of conflicts in a relationship. Disagreements on important long-term issues that each partner thinks at the time are life or death decisions. But in reality, they are all decisions just about THINGS, whether financial, home location, wall colors, furniture or equipments. The magnitude of these things is minimized after marriage if not completely fulfilled. A total shift of focus happens after marriage. A shift towards real life matters!”
