All the arguments and fights I’ve been through and have seen other people go through as well, and after going through the feeling of “Why did I do this to myself and that I don’t need this in my life”, I decided to come up with this test. Just a disclaimer; this is complied from my own personal opinion, i.e. it’s nothing that I go off the net or from someone professional, I should thought it might be an interesting game to test on myself. It should help you understand how flexible you and your partner are in the relationship and consequently know if this relationship is sizzling or fizzling. It also helps you know your own and your partner’s flaws and know whether you can both live with them or not.
Make sure you have a pen with you and make sure you write your answers in a list with the question number beside them.
1) ANNOUNCING THE NEWS – You and your partner decided to tie the knot and it’s time for you to tell your parents! So you arrange a set up with your parents and siblings to announce the big news. Your dad starts asking all those questions about him and his family, and has that jealous look on his face and starts pointing out negatives about your partner; his job, his family, the way you met, etc. What do you do?
- You don’t have anything to say and just keep quiet.
- You agree to some of his points but try to show him the good points.
- You get so worked up and start fighting for it and do anything to convince your dad that you made the right choice.
2) THE PROPOSAL – You already set the date when your parents and partner will meet. You are going to do a lot of talking to both of them in attempt to pave the way to a smooth convention. What do you do with your partner?
- Warn him about how difficult and strict your parents are and tell him that he has to accept everything they say or do.
- Try to suck out his nervousness and tell him that it’s going to go just fine without explaining anything about your parents.
- Explain your parents’ flaws/difficulties so he could have an idea what to expect so he could arrange his thoughts accordingly.
3) THE START OF THE CLASHES – It’s time to set a date for the engagement. You are very excited and all your girlie dreams are coming closer. You start the discussions with your partner on what you’re going to do for your engagement, your dress, the flowers, who you’re to invite, the venue and you go on and on with the dreams. You suddenly find that you both have totally different ideas on things; he thinks you shouldn’t go through the hassle and just have a small family and close friends thing at home, and you on the other hand want to fulfill your long-lived dreams about being a bride. In the middle of the arguments concerning this issue, what do you do?
- You fight for what you want to do and tell your partner that this is your thunder and ask him not to interfere.
- You try to discuss with him and give in a few things just not to lose the anticipation and just to get out of the discussion.
- You eagerly try to understand his point of view and admit it when he convinces you, but you still try to convince him with what you want to do and try to reach middle grounds.
4) FINALLY OFFICIAL – You now wake up in the morning with swollen fingers and wonder for a second what is this thing trapping the blood in my right hand, then you realize it’s the wedding band! Here come all the congratulations from all the family members. Your fiancé starts telling you that “Tant Zizi” wants to meet you, and that his aunt was upset she couldn’t attend so she is inviting you for dinner. How do you react to those obligations?
- You make a big fuss about it whine about how busy you are and how unimportant these visits are now as opposed to the 65 million things you guys have to do.
- You go with him but decide to get even. You also start arranging appointments with family members from your end just to prove that your family care too.
- You go very willingly and are very excited about meeting his extended family.
5) THE APARTMENT – You’re no longer living with paparazzi at this stage and you need to get down to the real business – the apartment. So many decisions; do we need a living room? Are we going to have an open kitchen? Will we use an interior decorator? Why do we need one? HDF floors or ceramic? Which is more durable? Are we looking for durability or beauty? Do we need balconies? Who’s paying for the kitchen? This couch is too classic. I hate green. Why aren’t you understanding? Why are you being so stubborn? You’re so selfish. Do whatever you want!! Why do want to marry me if we are so different??! These are the kind of arguments and discussions that go on between almost every other couple these days. You both have very different points of view about how you want your house to look like. You like curtains, he can’t stand seeing them, he loves orange, orange gets on your nerves… you’ve dreamed of having a fireplace in your house, he thinks its too expensive and will take up space that he’d rather use for his surround system… and many more differences, how do you deal with them?
- You just continue to argue and argue and don’t care how ugly it gets just to prove your point and do what you want?
- You try to explain how different men and women are when it comes to thinking about their homes and try to negotiate on some things.
- You just get sick and tired of arguing and you just give in to what he wants to do.
6) THE BIG DAY– The calendar is flipping and the clock is ticking and you’re coming very close to your big day – The Wedding Day! After all the stress of the past period working on the apartment, carpenters and plumbers, you need to start planning for your wedding night. Venue, guest list, dress/tuxedo, flowers, catering, entertainment, favors, photography, video, etc… He wants to get a belly dancer and they disgust you. He wants to invite his ex because she invited him to her wedding. You want to have a “zaffa” and he has always avoided going early to weddings just to avoid it. He wants to cut down on the costs as much as possible and you want to invite 300 people from your side just for your family’s sake. There are many examples and similar situations that have caused relationships to end before they actually go to the wedding night! If any of the above examples happened to you, how would you react?
- You would talk to your girl friends and go back to him fighting that it’s YOUR night and he has no right to interfere in any of it.
- You would make a deal to allow him some of what he wants at the wedding but in return he should allow some of what you want as well.
- You get very pissed and start pointing fingers at him that he is not supportive and understanding to your needs.
If your answers are more or less as follows:
You are a very passive partner and a giver up. It might seem like it’s the easiest way out of problems and arguments but on the long run you are the loser and you alone! You don’t have to make a big fuss about everything but this is a marriage that YOU will live in hopefully for the rest of your life; if you do not fight for it to work… then don’t blame anyone but yourself at the end. Fight for what you want, discuss, argue, negotiate, compromise, be patient and on the long run.. your partner will appreciate it, I guarantee that. Men don’t like passive women, they like women who have brains and have a point of view in life so don’t be scared to share it and prove it.
If your answers are more or less as follows:
You are a great negotiator. You have come a long way and you are willing to make this work. However, you’re just a little competitive about some matters and refuse to easily compromise unless you will benefit from the deal too. At other times, if you feel that the issue is not of very high importance to you, you might just give in, which is not always a bad idea. Keep working on it with some help from your partner and you will reach some good results.
Finally, if your answers are more or less as follows:
I applaud you. You are a perfect partner. You are obviously in love and very mature. You would go through anything to make it work; you are a supportive member in this relationship. You side with him whenever you get the chance to. Keep it up and go on with the same attitude, men like to have their ego fed everything now and then. A man appreciates a woman who has a strong character but doesn’t make him feel vulnerable, however makes him feel like he has a partner that would support him and be at his back at any time!
N.B. The above test is NOT an official test published online or in any publication such as books/magazines/newspaper. It is complied from my own personal opinion.