The great philosopher Socrates once said—“By all means marry, if you get a good wife you will be happy and if you get a bad one you’ll become a philosopher. Marriage—a mysterious union of two people where they both commit to be with each other till their last breath has been a subject of scrutiny for years.
You fall in love and then you get married and you live happily ever after. Right? It turns out that that view of the world is a little naïve. There is no such thing as a “perfect marriage” or a “perfect” spouse.
Caught up in the romance and in the excitement of wedding plans, many couples are unable to envision what their relationship will be like on a routine day-to-day basis.
For those anticipating a Cinderella-like-happily-ever-after-storybook marriage year after year, disappointment is likely to come sooner or later. Couples who want satisfying marriages need to dispense with society’s romantic “lies”—such as the myth of the perfect soul mate – and face the fact that marriage, like life, has its ups and downs.
Conflict, crises, and daily struggles are part of virtually every marriage. False expectations, believing in the myths about marriage, trying to read one another’s mind, wanting to do everything together, and wanting to have a perfect marriage will lead to disillusionment. One needs to accept the fact that once the honeymoon period is over, real life begins. It may not always be what you envisioned but such is life!
Marriage Myths Busted!
Never get married expecting your partner to change
One of the major reasons people are unhappy after they get married is they expect the person they are dating to change after marriage. Therefore the most important question to ask yourself when you’re dating someone is: “Can I live with this person the way that they are?” If the answer is no, then DON’T get married. If there is something that you don’t like about the person, something that you wish you could change, you’d better ask yourself some serious questions because you’re setting yourself up for a serious potential mistake.
The fact that he is continually late or that he is just sooo messy is not likely to change because of your undying love. Chances are these things won’t improve, but worsen after the honeymoon period is over.
People have to be accepted the way they are. If there is something about your partner that you dislike or disagree with, and the issue is an important one, whatever it is, it’s here to stay. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’ll change them after you get married. The truth is that all you have control over is your reaction to your spouse – that’s the only part you can change.
I married you, not your family
Like it or not, marrying someone usually involves the formation of several relationships other than the husband-wife union. A person entering marriage automatically gains a father-in-law, a mother-in-law, sisters- or brothers-in-law, plus a variety of other extended family members. Although you don’t technically marry the whole family, your relationship to your spouse may be largely affected by how well you get along with his family.
Don’t kid yourself and think the in-laws don’t matter. Your spouse grew up in a family that taught him how to be who he is today. Yes, there are other influences, but realistically it is important to remember that family is a primary influence in the development of any individual, and your husband will probably reflect the values, attitudes, personality, and behavior of the family he was raised in.
Children will make my marriage stronger!
It is generally believed that having children strengthens the bond between a man and a woman. But how true is that?!?
Children can be a major cause for many problems between a couple and could in many cases end the marriage; ways of upbringing, different principles, priorities, habits, discipline and not least is the husband’s jealousy of his wife’s new preoccupation.
In short having children is not the answer and is certainly not the best way to “bind” a husband. Having children is a blessing and should be considered as such – it is the natural fulfillment of a stable and strong relationship, NOT a glue formula for a weak relationship.
Marriage means we never fight!
Many people believe that if they truly loved one another they would never fight!! But, conflict happens in every marriage. Fighting fair and for the relationship and not just to “win” is healthy in a marriage. All the secrets to a good relationship have to be used – letting go, being forgiving, ignoring faults, and not caring who’s right. A great marriage is not when the “perfect couple” comes together, it is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Marriage will make me happy!
An unhappy single person is an unhappy married one! It is not the state of being married that is going to make a person go from being unhappy to happy. Most people have a pre-conceived notion that marriage is a piece of cake. WRONG! Marriage is hard work, in fact it is the most difficult job you can ever have. It requires dedication and commitment. Marriage can be an amazing experience but there will be joy and laughter as well as sadness and tears. Happiness is available but it doesn’t automatically come with the ring.
There is no formula for a happy marriage and nobody has all the answers. Attempt to try and make sense of this crazy institution called marriage. Why we need it, why we hate it, why we love it, and why the world has yet to come up with a better alternative. Obviously we humans think love is worth the effort, because we keep trying. We accept, we compromise, and then we compromise some more….
Marriage is about staying in love and staying together for a lifetime despite the fact that both partners are individuals who change over time. Marriage itself is easy. Two people can get married any time they want. The challenge of marriage is making it work for a lifetime.
