Let’s agree first that having friends from the opposite sex is quite healthy. You get to know the other side of the world, hear different kind of stories, and get introduced to things you would never get in touch with if you were only friends with people from your same gender. So, whether you call yourselves friends, close friends or even best friends, hanging out from time to time, texting from time to time, sharing some secrets, moments of laughter and tears, having a lot of common of friends is all safe and fine.
However, things become different when you start hanging out alone most of the time. When he is the one who gets you your favorite chocolate and she is the one who knows by heart the perfumes you like. When you text all day and night, when you know each and everything about each other’s life, when she calls you every time she is in trouble and when he asks you to pick him a shirt to buy. When she cancels her trip if she knows you are not going to be there and when he makes up excuses for his buddies because he prefers to spend time with you. You will still call yourselves best friends because it is safe for you to believe that… but in fact, what is happening is that you are getting close to that blurry undefined zone. At some point of time, you will get too attached and emotions might get in the way. Does it have to happen? Definitely not! But is it a huge possibility? Definitely yes! It could be that one of you will feel it first and will start pushing the other into the same direction whether intentionally or unconsciously. And it also could be that both of you will just feel it at the same time. So she will start feeling jealous when you tell her about that girl you like. And he will start going crazy when you don’t pick up the phone the first time he calls. It is now clear, love is already here. You keep telling yourselves: No, that is not happening. We are best friends! You don’t even talk about it. You pretend as if it is not there, but you both know! You fight it. You want to revert back, to undo the feelings but who can? You try to stop it; and yet it gets stronger and stronger. It is unstoppable. Then comes the big question: Why not?
“If we really became that close, if we understand each other this way, and if we enjoy being together… if we fit as best friends then we will definitely fit as Mr. and Mrs.! At least we can give it a try and let’s see”
A typical example of a relationship that starts with extremely high expectations! You believe you know each other and you have come a long way already! However, things can be really different, and sometimes even shocking. You start to know a completely new version of that person and to discover sides you have never encountered on the friendship level. The things you would wish to have in your best friend could be really different from what you would wish to find in your lifetime partner. The things you would accept and the things you would hate, everything is really different when you start thinking. The problem is you won’t start thinking, because you are in love already. We have passed the thinking stage. It is hard now to be rational, logical and calm. No voice is now louder than your heartbeats, pushing you towards this person and away from logic and common sense!
Does it work out? It might for sure, and we have all seen examples of friendships that turned into successful marriages! But there is nothing worse than a true friendship that turns into a miserable breakup. It is the worst type of breakups ever known!
When you break up, you lose not only the one you love, but your best friend, your backbone and your secret keeper
When you break up, you lose not only the one you love, but your best friend, your backbone and your secret keeper… You seek support. You want to cry over the shoulders of your best friend and tell them how the breakup hurt, but you just can’t! You want to run from them to them! They were everything you had and by losing them, you literally lost everything!
There is no harm in associating some boundaries with friendship to save yourself the biggest harm. There is no regret in using some logic when you start getting too close to someone. Again, this is when you start not when you are already too close. You always need to pause and examine to which destination your path might be taking you. Instead of reaching, then figuring out you took the absolutely wrong direction.
Dina is here to put your feelings into words, and your thoughts into sentences. So that when you read them, you would know that you are not alone.