The Pursuit of Happiness

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I don’t remember when the last time I felt happy was, or as you might like to call it felt like a million bucks. The irony of my daily life made up a perturbed mind that, such a quandary would have been inconceivable even in my nightmares. I had to leave my melodrama aside when the editor of What Women Want…Magazine asked me to write an article about “How to Feel like a Million Bucks.” God help me – I of all people, assigned for communicating how to reach feelings of being in seventh heaven- me, that miserable, self-despised, and disgruntled me!


There was no choice but to experiment how to sense it.  It was 10 am in the morning and I had to consult a list of places to go to on the phone. Some places were expensive – but I was so excited about a day spent wallowing myself in happiness. I looked at the mirror that reflected my leering image – Yes, I said to myself, today you are stuck with me and only me, so let’s try to act as adults and stop grumbling. I pinned up hanks of my hair that looked fine to me- so I said no new hair-do requirements. I then stood in front of my overflowing closet, facing yet another “what am I going to wear today?” predicament!

Aha, that pink dress I have- it always made me look my best.


·          Change your looks: I did not feel like doing it that day- but going to a coiffeur or changing your wardrobe might be a joyful experience. Even if you felt different, you must love it as all the change is for the better. Moreover, a good posture makes you feel like a million bucks.


I find the words flowing freely on paper because I easily knew what to write next.


·         Change your mantra: Look in the mirror and say I love you, I love you, I love you. Who can love you more than me? Make it a discipline to love yourself, to empower your mind with positive thoughts – I am beautiful, I can make it, I am the best person in the world. What I am writing now is all I can do to tell myself sorry for all those years of self-blame and self-inferiority complex. I believed that I was a loser, and so my negative energy was the only possible aura around me.


It was time to experiment, feeling all beautiful and great. I am pretty, I am clever – I reminded myself. When you love yourself you will watch your diet, you won’t mistreat your body with harmful substances, and you won’t procrastinate on things and attract lovers who belittle you.  Now the first outing was to Gold’s Gym. Serotonin, serotonin- my brain needs you so much. It is a chemical in the body which makes you relaxed and happy. You will find it in anti-depressants but what is better than exuding it by natural methods like sports; now I am lying, I hardly play sports! But, what is wrong for hoping to be better. I stayed there for one hour, and there were handsome, sturdy men all around me. “Hello!” I pretended to tell them… I don’t need you to make me happy.


·         Serotonin, serotonin equals physical exercise, physical exercise.


I left the gym, trembling, all jammed up with some potent intuition that my problems are too big to treat this way- that my feelings are too hurt to make them happy. I said spontaneous prayers to myself: I hope the simple pleasures in life can make me feel like a million bucks.


I walked down the street, exhausted and deadbeat. I rode my car and headed to my next destination – Al Azhar garden. How can there be a better sensation than a good breakfast in a garden, with birds singing and eating small crumbs of bread from the floor? I ordered English tea with cookies – and somehow without anyone watching, I infused the cookies in the tea. I ate and listened to the serenity of the place, frequently bothering myself with bad thoughts. Listen, I implored myself, the birds are singing for you. Forget the past and step with me into the future.


·         Food and nature can embark tranquility in us.  


What works for me does not necessarily work for you. Dream Park is almost childish and might not be your type for feeling great, but for me it is a magnificent beehive of soothing the brain and heart. Scream became my mantra -scream because you have energy, are beautiful and talented. So this is where you can find me happy for several hours- the leaping of my heart in fright manages to dodge all bad men, women and failures from my life. I was enlightened! The roller coaster that I was riding helped me. It was solid ecstasy.


·         All of us can find different ways to sway in the current of blissfulness. 


I later called a friend to have lunch with me in Fridays… I was surprised; I had energy and did not need a nap for the day.  I can go on for miles and miles, without tiring. Me, the laziest mortal on earth! Back to my friend, we can always meet on a common ground of compassion and care for each other. I chose her because she always makes my day happier. Her pale-face enlivened as I told her about my article and the magical day I had. “You create what you fear,” she reminded me for maybe the eightieth time. I admit that I was pretending to be another person for a day only; and I had shuddered because I knew that this was only a temporary situation. Like a classic poem, she has to recite that tomorrow can always be bright if we want it to be and that we can master ourselves and our cravings. Sometimes, these are only words- but they can have an incandescence effect on our abilities- no matter how the present might seem morbid. 


·         Embrace those you love. They will unashamedly make you love to live.


It was getting dark now, however, I could not let go of my lust for sheer content. I headed to Mohamed El Sagheer Coiffeur – I spent all my money that day – but I’m grateful I made myself happy. Anyway, I have never saved money in my life, so why now? Moreover, you can always choose cheaper locations. Under the expert hands of a Pilipino, massage was made to my brain skull. I asked her to loosen my tension further, so she magically traveled upon my spinal cord, until she again reached that complicated brain of mine. I had spent a few dreamy minutes with my back to her on the massage couch, permitting a turbine of energy to unleash itself up my spine.


·         Did I mention that massage and movement therapy services feel great?

Homeopathy, Reflexology, Thai massage, Classical full body massage, Acupressure and other types.


I have done most of my homework, I pondered as I went back home. A penny from Heaven- what is this world worth without a belief in the divine. Whatever your religion is, it is very important to have one, to hold on to it and to grasp it dearly towards your heart. Without the Almighty how can we ever rise about the clouds, how can our souls soar freely and mystically? Inevitably, pray has to be the dogma where a world is battered by turmoil and confusion. This transcends anything else, and when you lose the ability to hone your relation with God- you are beaten down to tumult. But, it doesn’t matter how much I yearn for God’s company, my weak self makes me miss many prayers. Forgive me God for not finding the right path yet.


Pray to God- it is the only veritable expansion to one person’s magnification and magnificence.


If money can make us feel a ‘million bucks’, then I will get out of my stupor and do something about it, really! How can I resist a sparkle in myself? However, not money alone can make a person happy. Home, entering your home must always fill you with a sense of pride and security. The first step is to love it, enrich it, and say it is the best in the world. Second is to deal with it like a human being. She needs fresh skin so we paint in colors that are for us a pick of the bunch. She wants eyes so we clean her windows and protect those pretty eyes with light textiles. She needs feet then give her carpets, vogue and chic. She needs to rest so we give her furniture and beds, and she needs to feel like a princess so we treat her with delicacy and coolness…never let her hunger or destitute.


·         Home is our final destination in every journey. We relish its existence and sense its joy.


The biggest hurdle in my experience is love. That is difficult to find, but not impossible. But, to get love, you have to love yourself first. If you expect it from a man then you are setting yourself on the threshold of heartbreak. That’s just my opinion, of course; but from what I can fathom, if you don’t love yourself- how can you expect others to love you? It bugs me because love is one of the biggest sources of elation. Those who are deprived of it need to focus on another endowment they have, until they find it.


·         Love is God’s greatest bequest to man-kind. Tell those you love how you feel before it is too late or before they lose hope in finding it with you.


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