One of the secrets to creating an extraordinary relationship is to know what you’re getting into before making a huge commitment. As a person you have certain goals, morals and ideals for the way you want your life to go. Some are flexible, while others are non-negotiable.
The problem with choosing the right husband today is that the basics of choice can be very superficial. People find themselves attracted to looks, money or status, but they often overlook the other more important things that hold relationships together. Eventually, this oversight ends up being unavoidable, which is one of the factors that influence the huge divorce rate worldwide.
It’s clear that breaking up with someone you care about, or have been committed to for a long time is never easy. Frankly, it can result in a severe emotional shock which can carry over into other aspects of life, as well as future relationships. Why not avoid this pain? Why not save yourself years of regret by saying “If I knew what I know now, things would have turned out very differently”?
If we could determine what each other’s non-negotiable boundaries are before jumping into a commitment, then surely we could avoid some of the pain that is involved in breaking up. The engagement stage serves as an interview process for marriage. In one sense we get engaged to find out more about each other what we like, and don’t like and what things we can tolerate, put up with or forgive.
Write down what your non- negotiable boundaries are and discuss them with your future husband. Put your non-negotiable list on the table and never hesitate.
Ask yourself as well as your partner the following questions and then you’ll be able to create your own list of non-negotiable.
1. Children. Do you want them? How many? What kind of lifestyle do we need to have? And how are we willing to adjust in order to give the kids enough love and attention? Who will have the upper hand in raising the children? Will they be raised with a religious affiliation?
2. Work. Will you accept if I work? Do you want me to quit my career life when I have a baby? Will the work schedule be convenient to you?
3. Demographics. Where do you plan to live? Where do you plan to work? How do you feel about relocating?
4. Finances. What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? Who will control the finances? Will both of you share the household expenses?
5. Communication. How do you deal with arguments? Will you argue in public and in front of your children? Are you a bad tempered person? Do you need a cooling off period, space, to talk things out? Are you a good listener? Are you sociable?
6. Chores. Will you share in the household responsibilities? How will you distribute the chores? Do you prefer to get a housemaid?
7. In-laws. Will the in-laws live with us? Will they help in raising the children? How often will we visit them? How close will we live to them? To what extent are you willing to take advice from the in-laws? To what extent they will interfere in our life?
8. Leisure time. How many vacations do you want and where? How do you like to spend your days off? Do you want to travel the world?
9. Morals. Do you smoke or drink alcohol? Are you willing to stop? Are you willing to live with someone who may have different views? How will you deal with different traditions and customs?
10. Religion. To what extent are you religious? Which part of your participation in your religion is a non-negotiable? What religious values will you instill in your children?
