As any of us gets close to the big day all we get is a deluge of wisdom about how to make your marriage successful, how to please your man and how to direct this relationship towards your comfort and satisfaction. However, I was lucky to marry someone who made this a smooth ride, and made me see my marriage as something worth waking up for everyday. I have not been married for 10 years but I am glad my husband and I still got that spark going on between us so far (knock on wood, please! Seriously). This is why I am grateful for being happily married and I should admit my husband played a big role in making this happen.
A best friend and roommate: I can’t remember a day since I got married that I felt that I lost my friendship with my husband. We have grown to be best friends over the years but this bond has only grown stronger after marriage as we realized that both of us can use a friend to go back home to everyday. We talk about how our days go, discuss future plans, tell jokes, get silly together and we watch TV together (although he watches too much of Family Guy!) I think this closeness comes from the fact that we have a lot in common since we went to the same school and have the same career. But there is always good news for the ladies who don’t have this. Look for even one tiny common interest between the two of you and emphasize it, be it a game (my husband always beat me in cards!), compete on who reads the new book written by an author you both like, a TV show that you can both sit and enjoy watching together (and don’t even think Oprah), ride bikes, or even race over a PlayStation game. Dig deeper to become his “pal” not his load. No matter how big or small that activity is, just doing it together as a couple rocks a woman’s world and makes her happy.
Help Needed! No experience necessary: I almost cried when I went back home one night after going out with my friends to find that my husband made all the dishes. How great is that! What woman wouldn’t feel happy if her husband put some effort at home and never made excuses for not doing so? My husband likes to help me out in the kitchen when we have people over and there is a lot to be done. Men feel that they are not good at that kind of stuff and that no matter what they do, their wives will not be grateful. Men, you are definitely wrong! Even if you just take you empty dish to the kitchen, it will make your woman feel you are not just a customer at a restaurant (especially that you do not leave a tip for the service!) and that you are an active partner at home. A friend once told me all she wanted was for her husband to throw his clothes in the laundry basket not on the floor for his housekeeper to collect and make sure they get washed. Is that too much to ask? We do not demand much of men as we know those chores are our part of the deal and we are definitely better at them than men. But giving a little hand never hurts anyone. I am sure women with children would appreciate some help while trying to joggle house work, children, husband and themselves in the daily circus at home. I have seen a lot of such scenarios myself. When a man voluntarily takes the kids out, helps them with their homework, or even spends some quality time with “his” kids, a woman will be thrilled as it takes part of the burden off her shoulders and gives her a breather. Taking this space for yourself knowing that it is happening because you have a loving husband who cares about you as much as you do about him, will boost a woman’s self esteem and makes her feel like a queen.
Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s the prettiest of them all: Needless to say no woman wants to hear her husband say “Honey, did you put on some weight?” or “I think you might need a trip to the hairdresser” or “Feel free to use my shaving kit!” Many men lack this sense of complimenting their wives after marriage for some reason. Maybe they feel it’s obsolete now since it marriage was the ultimate goal behind the sugar-coated words and that goal was accomplished so why bother now. Frank Sinatra made “The way you look tonight” for a reason: reminding men to pamper their wives and tell them how beautiful they think they are. For example, I find my husband more attractive in formal attire and he would do anything to make me wear skirts and dresses all the time. He likes the femininity in those I guess. So whenever I put on a skirt and look all girly and nice, I get the sweetest comments about how great I look and how he still finds me attractive. Even if it is part of the sweet talk that men feel obliged to say to their women to avoid angering the beasts in us, it still makes us feel admired and that’s always a good thing. Of course we know we don’t look great when we get out of bed in the morning, but it is nice to hear that we are once in a while. I feel head over heals when my husband tells me I am the prettiest one in the place and he would rather be with me than with any other girl (not that he will have the guts to tell me otherwise!)
Home sweet home: Remember how our mothers and grand mothers used to tell us that a woman’s house is her castle and that she should take good care of it? I think that taking good care of it includes making your husband want to come back to it every day. I feel thrilled when my husband tells me he cherishes our home and it’s the only place he’d rather go to after a long day at work (Are you still holding that wood?). That alone makes me treasure this marriage even more and want to put more effort into making it the best. Work on making your house more of a cheerful experience for you and you man rather than just a place to stay. How happy do you get when someone mentions to you how lovely you house is and how much they like to come over and have fun? How happier will you feel if that person is your husband who tells you how jovial he feels when he comes back home to you? Sensual! Many men have the perception that after marriage, good times are those times spent outside the house with their fellow married men who gather up and complain about their marriages. Or those weekends spent away from the wives and kids. But what if your man comes up and tells you, “Don’t make plans this weekend, we are going for dinner together at your favorite restaurant”. Isn’t that something you would drop your jaws to the ground for? From another angle, if you ask your man to take you to your favorite restaurant and he agrees wholeheartedly, he will have succeeded in making you love him even more and want to reciprocate by maybe buying him tickets to a soccer game or something with the guys. So a small gesture can turn a woman’s world around and makes the man feel appreciated (Something we all always strive for by the way)
Sex on demand: Quiet frankly, after marriage women realize how serious and crucial the sexual aspect is for men. It’s all what goes inside a man’s head and it’s a life or death issue for them. For many women, after a few years of marriage, the physical intimacy becomes one of many chores that the couple “have” to do rather than enjoy doing. The concept of making love not having sex disappears over time and the flame seems to fade away, especially with the birth of your first child. Men don’t give a damn about the fact that you get busier after having children and that you might want to relax after a long day of running after your child. However, some men are quite understanding of this concept and they never make their women feel they are just sex objects. They have their ways of making a woman feel sensual and want to make love to her husband as much as he does. A friend of mine told me, “I don’t know how he does it but he still turns me on no matter how tired or out of mood I am and I love him for doing it the way he does. It doesn’t feel mandatory that way, but rather desirable by me. We are both satisfied with our sex life.” She said that it takes some smartness and attitude to get someone to make love to you and her man seems to know how to lure his woman into that. Don’t we all wish our husbands are more understanding of our desires and help us enjoy our intimate relationship as much as they do? When a man does not selfishly bombard his wife with having intercourse for the physical aspect only, he triggers the femininity in her leaving her with desire to offer him what he wants with no reservations. My husband tells me he would never ask me to do it unless we both want to. He also told me it always depends on the man’s manners and delicacy. So men who respect their wives will never treat them in a degrading manner or use them to satisfy their sexual needs only. A woman treated with respect and understanding will be definitely feel appreciative of her man and her self esteem will shoot to the skies.
I am worth a million bucks! : When a man does all these simple but rather influential things to his wife with unconditional intentions other than pleasing her and energizing his marriage, he captures her heart. A woman’s heart is her main drive as we are more emotional than men are and we have an inborn sense of commitment and embrace towards our families. Even if a woman habitually grouches about her marriage, an occasional snuggle from her husband will do the trick. Every man should know his keys to his woman and should wisely use that to unlock her stereotypical marriage perceptions. She constantly wants to feel she didn’t waste her life in a worthless marriage. What we need is for our men to be there for us up front and central. I am blessed to be married to a man who appreciates marriage and puts great effort into working with me to make it stay as lively and blissful for as long as we both shall live. It’s easy to win a woman’s heart before marriage but is it as easy to maintain that after marriage? It takes a good husband to make a woman really feel like a million bucks!
