Sex and other Drugs

We were taking fly-overs with her car like every night while she smoked her joint, then she suddenly told me: “you know I am not a virgin right?” I didn’t know what to say, I kind of knew, but I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I decided to pretend I didn’t know anything.

She wanted to tell me her story, she felt comfortable enough to share with me her deepest secrets, emotions and insecurities.

I was 20 years old and she was 2 years older, she was the coolest and the wildest girl in my group. Her first sex experience was when she was 15, with her 3 years boyfriend, after a while he dumped her, and she moved to another boy and another and another, by the time we had met she already had “a not so good reputation”, why? Is it Because she was a bad person? No,  she slept around, and boys kissed and told..

In our society that was enough reason to be called a Whore! She told me all about her broken family, feeling unloved, abandoned and ignored, about how sex is like a drug and once you pop it you cannot stop it.. She advised me to wait till I get married and not to pollute my soul with such a terrible addictive habit.

Years passed by and I was constantly hearing stories, stories of divorces because couples waited till they got married and after marriage the sexual incompatibility destroyed their relationship, others of couples who decided to have sex while engaged, then broke up and the girls were left out feeling used, hurt and lost, stories of people who decided to get married because they were both fed-up of waiting and they were too excited about sex than the marriage itself! Stories of guys who had too much experience and so with a wife who didn’t really know anything about sex felt unsatisfied and cheated!

Sex, Love, Marriage, physical need, society’s judgement, religion, desire, affection, and passion they are all words connected to each other, Nearly everything important a human being wants, can be reduced to one or more of these 15 core desires, most of which have a genetic basis”

Curiosity – desire to learn

Food – desire to eat

Honor – (morality) desire to behave in accordance with code of conduct

Rejection – fear of social rejection       

Sex – desire for sexual behavior and fantasies

Physical exercise – desire for physical activity

Order – desired amount of organization in daily life  

Independence – desire to make own decisions

Vengeance – desire to retaliate when offended

Social Contact – desire to be in the company of others

Family – desire to spend time with own family

Social Prestige – desire for prestige and positive attention

Aversive Sensations – aversion to pain and anxiety

Citizenship – desire for public service and social justice

Power – desire to influence people


 If you take a good look at all these human desires you will see that they all need to be satisfied with moderation, the lack of them makes you lose your balance and too much makes everything feels wrong. A satisfactory sexual life is an important component of an individual’s overall mental and physical health. However, simple this may sound, it appears to be very hard to attain. Sexuality is a complex issue that involves many aspects of the human experience, from reproduction to physical appearance and fitness to self-image, performance, genre differences, the society and religion judgment and a whole variety of emotions.

In our society, women avoid having sex and ‘save themselves’ till marriage simply because society will judge them and, because having sex will minimize their chances of finding the right man who will be understanding enough to accept the choice they made.On the other hand, girls who had or have sex, mostly regret it like my friend, cos they started too early and let themselves be dragged to I ate a pizza, I might as well eat a burger concept! They lost their respect for their bodies and used sex as a tool to recover from emotional imbalances and insecurities.

Living in a Barcelonahas opened my eyes to astonishing facts, sex here is also an issue, girls who sleep around are also called whores and, girls who slept with guys too soon most of the time got dumped. However, couples who took their sexual closeness slowly and took their time to really know each other before getting in bed together, felt more close and had a stronger  bond when they finally got physical. The questions that comes to a girl’s mind after being dumped is did he just use mefor sex? Did he leave me because we had sex too soon? Those are international questions asked in many languages, an extension of that question in our society will be “did he dump me because I wasn’t a virgin?”

If the girl is passionate, crazy, wild, adventurous,  or may be calm, quiet and relaxed, she needs to find a partner who is suitable for her on all levels, emotionally and physically, especially if she decided to wait, she needs to talk freely and discover how their life will be, Let’s face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big a part of a relationship to leave to chance!

Learning to listen is equally, and possibly even more, essential to strong communication. When you show the other person that what they say matters to you, they will be more likely to trust you and listen to you in return. Sex and intimacy are strongly affected by how both people feel, so it really pays off to create a positive atmosphere.

However, if you took the decision of not waiting and exploring and satisfying yourneeds before marriage, you need  to know that sex is a responsibility, you should treat your body and soul with care.Our bodyis precious and as we need to eat healthy, exercise and take care of it, we also shouldn’t give it away to anybody who really doesn’t deserve it.

Even if you are in a healthy relationship and would like to have sex with your partner, some beliefs or expectations might make this decision more complicated. You and the people in your life might have different ideas about when or what type of sexual activity is alright and what is not.

You  also need  to know that with that choice you need  to find a special man, a man who is liberal and open minded enough to accept a westernized girl who chose to explore and live her life to the fullest,you should make that decision knowing that you can’t let yourself feel ashamed or have regrets, and if you are not sure then you need to wait.

We all make right and wrong decisions, but when you challenge your society  and choose something that does not abide to the customs, or religion, you need to have the strength and courage to hold on to that decision and be sure it’s what you really want. A relationship will be stronger and more real when both people can truly be themselves both inside and outside of the bedroom. When we question these “rules,” we respect our partner for who they are instead of who they “should be.”

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