It is that time of year again, a time for reflections and resolutions. Every new year serves as a checkpoint where we stop, and ask ourselves, “What have we accomplished this year?”. It is always about how much we have accomplished, how many resolutions we have checked, and how successful we have become, but never how we feel. We never ask ourselves, “How do we feel after all we have been through?”. We never count or celebrate our mental and emotional achievements – we do not think of all the fears we faced, all the traumas we healed, the pain we endured, the hope we spread, and the love we gave and received. If all you did this year was survive, protect your heart, hold on to your faith, and hope while you hurt, then you had a successful year.
As a content creator, all year long, I had been trying so hard to live an “aesthetically pleasing” life. I had to put on uncomfortable clothes so I could make good content. It took so much energy and effort to make sure all my pictures were perfect. I went to places I did not want to go to and did so many things I did not want to do, just for the content. It left me constantly feeling guilty cause my posts were not good enough. They were not “pretty” enough.
I am not a girl who dresses up every day. I usually wear the most comfortable thing I can find. My room is messy, like my mind. So I struggled a lot. Until I realized – and that was only a week ago- that this is who I am. I created my social media page to share “myself” with the world – my thoughts, views, knowledge, and story. Along the way, I stopped sharing my story and started rewriting it so it could be nicer, prettier, and more attractive to others.
We are all under enormous pressure to conform to our society’s impossible and irrational standards. “We are caught in a complex paradox of wanting to fit in and to stand out, to wear make-up but also look natural, to follow others and be followed ourselves” – Dr Helena Boschi.
All this time, I was trying to be someone I am not. My life is not picture-perfect, and that is okay. In fact, it is more than okay because I realized – the most significant realization this year – that living an emotionally pleasing life is far more meaningful than living an aesthetically pleasing life. Feeling good on the inside is the goal, not looking good on the outside. And my messy, unruly, random, comfortable, and weird life is what truly makes me happy, and it is what makes me, me.
You claim your value – you do not earn it. You create yourself – you do not find it. You have to embrace yourself with all your quirks and flaws and know that they make you special. They are what make you, you. One of my favorite quotes is, “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”. Why be like everyone else when you can be yourself? Why follow when you can lead? Why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary?
So as you stop to reassess this past year and prepare for the one ahead, I leave you with this:
Live truthfully, shamelessly, fearlessly, and live as yourself & for yourself.
Do not alter your truth, personality, preferences, or appearance to check a box.
Create your own box.
Color outside the lines.
Focus on living a life that feels good instead of one that just looks good.
You do not have to be anything but yourself.
Happy New Year!