Female pleasure, if considered at all, has been, a million-dollar mystery for decades. In fact, listen to social conversations between subgroups in informal settings and you will soon realize a pattern of wonder and mystery when it comes to the subject. Let’s not go so far, it was not until 1998 that the clitoris was actually officially recognized as part of the female anatomy. And even then, when society has field gained knowledge on neural stimulation, it still is incorrectly viewed as mostly penetration, where foreplay is few and far in between.
Re-shifting Female Pleasure
In addition to a necessary cap on [positive] sex education, that of which involves an understanding of the female anatomy, a deeper understanding of pleasure means it is not random and spontaneous. If you look at it through the lens of a general lifestyle instead of small random moments, you realize one major component; female pleasure requires us to be fully connected to ourselves, not just physically, but also emotionally. It requires constant refinement and fine-tuning through self-reflection.
When you become your own compass on your own desires and pleasures, in and out of the bedroom, you start using every part of your body, emotions, senses, and thoughts. Your experience of your relationship, your body, your sexuality, and your orgasms will transform. Sex shifts from being goal-oriented, where an orgasm is the goal, to pleasure and process-oriented sex.
Yes, step one is to gain an understanding of anatomy and sex education. Step two is developing a deeper relationship with yourself. A quick search on the Internet or listening to information here and there are not enough.
Taking it Outside the Bedroom
There are so many activities that can help you promote a connection with yourself. Sex Therapist Brooke Norton, MFT, MLS, gives an example; “I like to use the example of peeling and eating a clementine orange since it does use all five senses. You hold the orange and peel it with your fingers, and you can see and smell the orange, and you can even hear the peel coming away from the flesh of the fruit, and then you taste the slice that you pop into your mouth”.
Another great example is to spend time on the beach. Water can awaken your senses while the warmth of the sand underneath your feet can help you connect to your every movement.
Find it hard to tune out of your mind? Research has shown that a large number of people feel the same way. Fret not, human anatomy shows us that we have a direct neurological mind-body circuitry. You can go the extra mile here; Sync your breath to the sound of the waves in order to help you shift your focus back to your body.
When was the last time you actually slowed down and curiously enjoyed some time with yourself? When was the last time you asked yourself;
What makes me feel good? What do I want? And am I silently shaming myself for my own self-love?
Want to know more about female pleasure? Connect with us and we will hear you out.
Dana Sarhan is an experienced psychotherapist in diverse cultures in the MENA region. Also, a marriage and family therapist specialized in relationships and sex therapy.
MS, MFT-Couples and sex Therapist. www.danasarhan.com