I finally got my divorce paper in my hand. I have been waiting for this moment for the past five years and now I have it, but guess what? I am crying. I am crying hard, not for the my divorce papers in my hand, not because I am alone and feel lonely, not because I am worried of tomorrow and the unknown at least not anymore, I am crying for my lost years, for the best years of my life being wasted for no good reason.
Was it really wasted for no good reason? No, it was not, but this is how I felt that same moment I got divorced. Even though deep down I know my years were not wasted for no good reasons. My yaers were invested in the best thing that happened to me ever, my kids. Now, let me take you through my past five years of deciding and then hesitating, then deciding again and going back over and over and over again.
He cheated on you, he mistreated you, the love is gone, and he stopped respecting you! Bottom line, the love is really gone. At first you tell yourself that you still love him and you can’t imagine your life without him around. You are giving him all kind of excuses and wait for him to realize that you are doing an effort for the sake of love, you try every way possible to get him to see you are changing to the best, for him, but was it really for him, or even for the sake of love? Or was it because you can’t face the fact that it is over or simply for insecurity reasons and fear of tomorrow? Tomorrow is always a scary thing to imagine and plan for when we are alone.
We were raised to depend on a man to take care of us, to always expect a man to do things on our behalf, luckily I was not too much like that, but I tell you, I wished I were that way sometimes. For some reason, my dad always told me to count on myself and I alone, not to feel defeated or have higher expectations towards others and that was more or less what I have been trying all my life but failed big time!
I was always expecting people to realize what I have been doing for them, that I was always getting out of my own way to please them and I never asked anything in return, not in words I did not, I was always expecting them to realize and one day give me back part of what I have been giving them. It never happened.
I guess, you need to know the following steps to know how to get out of that draining relationship, how to get yourself back together and how to start over again.
Starting Over:
Starting over might seem hard to achieve but you know what, getting out of that relationship is the hardest part of all. Detaching yourself from that one thing that makes you so miserable and I am not trying to say it is easy or will get easier. This is just the beginning. Yes, you can’t stand living with that person any longer than that but when will you decide to get away and find yourself once more? When you are old and depressed and more miserable? Not sure it will be worth it then.
I have been through a very tough experience, tougher than anything. An experience that made me realize how precious life is and how stupid it is to waste it with those who don’t make you appreciate it. I lost my mother two years ago and I was with her all along her illness and saw how she wanted to live, she wanted to visit places one more time before she died, she wanted to tell me something important that she never shared with anyone else, she was tired of being sick but felt she had so many other things to do and life was too short for her to realize all her dreams. I learned my lesson right there and then. And it so happened that I stumbled upon the famous book “Tuesdays with Morrie” and that was a real turning point in my life. It hit me that life was too short to waste with those that don’t make you happy. Even if a walk by the river is all that you need to do, just go for it. If you are worried about your kids and how they will face it trust me on that one, they will be better off.
Get rid of the nagging feeling, only you can stop that little voice inside you that keeps telling you: LOSER! Look around you and you will realize you are not the only one with a cheating husband or a nasty one that beats you, or a sick son of a gun that treats you bad. If other women accept the humiliation, that is their business not yours. May be they were not as sensitive as you are, may be no one told them how strong they are to end a miserable life and start a new one, maybe they are not aware of the damage they are causing themselves, and maybe they are not brave enough to take such a courageous decision as to end a relationship and start all over or even not start anything at all. You will decide to go out for the search of your happiness or simply find your own happiness alone, in doing charity work, in starting a career, in dedicating you life to a dream you always wanted to realize. It is worth it!
