The year has ended: filled with agony, pain, lessons learnt, tears, happy times, laughter, joy, very special moments and separation. We have to look in retrospect, what did we do wrong? What did we do right? How could we have prolonged the happiness? How could we have avoided the pain? How can we be smart in our relationships in this coming year?
Are you a smart woman in relationships? You may be a successful entrepreneur, a famous movie star, very high on the executive corporate ladder or an influential figure in the widely male dominated political field-however, in personal relationships, you are not the same rising star, on the contrary, you are a ball of emotional turmoil.
There are well known reasons why women of professional status might not be as successful in relationships, and why sometimes we see the smartest women, fall in major pitfalls when it comes to relationships. These women maybe “business smart” but not “relationship smart”.
With the start of the New Year, it gives you an opportunity to think “Are you smart in your relationships?”
Do you always make the mistake to be attracted by a man’s style that you ignore his substance?
Do you mistake obsessions for real relationships?
Do you need a man to validate your self-worth?
Do you think having a bad relationship is better than being single?
You have difficulty telling the good guys from the bad guys?
Do you know the difference between a potential husband and a potential disaster?
Do you know the difference between playing hard to get and being hard to get?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you need to be very careful before you enter any relationship and consider every action you take with your partner or partner-to-be.
You need to consider the following:
Low self-esteem can often lead the most extraordinary women into destructive relationships.
How good do you feel about yourself? What type of relationship do you think you deserve? Do you think you are good enough to deserve a decent, loving and giving man? Or a relationship where you would have to put in all the effort? By having low self esteem, you end up accepting from your partner less than you actually deserve. You end up with men who maybe unworthy, and unappreciative of you. They might be men who capitalize on your professional success, and yet play on your lack of self confidence as a female, and manipulate you from that aspect. The end result is an emotionally exhausted and an agonized and drained you. One has to realize their self-worth; what is one good at? What are one’s strengths’ and weaknesses? What does one need to work on?
A sense of self means knowing what you have to offer –and not offering it too quickly.
You meet an amazing guy at a party, a conference or at the club. You talk, you hit it off….you meet again, sparks develop. It has been a month already, he seems like he could be the man of your dreams, and however you still do not know yet. An absolute must at the early stage of any relationship, is not to jump into conclusions and build the dream of a fairy tale and plan out your wedding, and give the potential knight in shining armor all you have got- lest he turns out to be nothing but a tin man, or even a frog. Any man must earn your full complete affection and generosity before you give it to him free of charge.
If a relationship hurts – it probably is not good for you.
If you are in love and met the man of your dreams, you are bound to have arguments and fights, as in any healthy relationship, however, at the end of the day, the relationship is not meant to make you unhappy. If the overall relationship leaves you wondering, confused, feeling bad about yourself, lost, feeling pressured to make an effort to make things work – then it is not a healthy relationship and it is hurting you. Such relationships are better obliterated at its early beginnings before things go too deep, and you end up facing severe withdrawal symptoms while trying to end a confused relationship. In short, the man has to make an effort as well, and a relationship should not be a painful package, else the relationship should be ended.
If the wrong men keep finding you- then you are giving off the wrong signals.
You end up being involved with men, who have issues, need help, insecure or are players; you have to realize that they are the men of your choice. These are probably the type of men you seek, and as a result, you are giving them the wrong signals to come and approach you. You have to be honest with yourself, why do you want someone with problems? Is it the love of the challenge? Is it to feel needed? Whatever the reason maybe, you have to logically understand that these men will drain you, and wear you out. You have to protect yourself against such men, and seek normal average men, who are not necessarily the most charming, most charismatic, most powerful or most good looking. Just pure, simple, good and decent men.
A smart woman knows that marrying the wrong man can be 1000 times lonelier than living with no man at all.
A smart woman knows that the stronger and more independent she is, the better her relationships will be.
A smart woman knows that a comfortable, cozy, boring and mundane are all part of a normal life and normal relationship, with ups and downs.
Smart women will know that if she is spending an excessive amount of time alone, lying on the couch day dreaming or crying- then she is not in love, but she will know that she is obsessed, and will end the relationship immediately.
A smart woman knows that:
She does not have to prove herself worthy.
She does not have to prove she is smart.
She does not have to prove that she is a good person to anyone.
She does not have to prove that she is supportive.
She does not need a man to make her feel special.
A smart woman knows the difference between:
Sexy and solid
Character and charisma
Good clothes and good values
Really nice and really narcissistic
A smart woman knows that the stronger and more independent she is, the better her relationships will be. So for the New Year- be a New You, a new woman who looks out for herself, a New Woman who is Smart in Love and Smart in Relationships.