My Big Fat Egyptian Weeding

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Dear bride-to-be, are you asking too much of your partner? If you love your groom-to-be and have chosen him to share your life, then try to make your demands within his reach. No man likes to feel that his beloved wants many things that he cannot provide. A problem that faces many couples is the wedding day. Girls tend to fantasize a lot about their weddings. They want to do this and that on their weddings, without much thought about costs. On the other hand, the groom is usually overloaded with expenses, and sometimes ends up in debt after getting married. Whatever your groom’s social and financial standard, you may still be burdening him with too much requests. This is the story of Zoheir and Nadia. If you can relate to what Nadia is doing (even if it’s on a different level), then think again!


♂: Hi darling, I missed you so much.

♀: I missed you too.

♂: I’m counting the hours till our wedding day, sweetheart.

♀: Me too. By the way, where will we throw our wedding party?

♂: On the roof of our building, sweetie.

♀: What? Of course not! Mum will never approve!

♂: Well, mum’s approval is very important, but that’s what I can afford.

♀: No, it has to be at a hotel like my cousin’s wedding last month.

♂: OK, we will have the wedding at a hotel just for your beautiful eyes. There’s a good hotel in the Opera square called “Lokandet El Amir”. It’s a good hotel with reasonable prices.

♀: (Starting to cry) Do you want me to be a joke on my wedding day? I want my wedding to be held at the same hotel where my cousin had her wedding.

♂: No problem, habebty. We’ll do the wedding at the hotel that you want, and the police will arrest me the following morning.

♀: (Crying louder) You don’t want me to be happy, even on our wedding day!

♂: Of course not darling. You’ll be happy on our wedding day, but we’ll go to prison after that.

♀: What about my wedding dress?

♂: What about it?

♀: Aren’t you going to get me a wedding dress?

♂: Happiness comes from within, not from the dress.

♀: (Starting to whine again) I want a dress like the one in this magazine!

♂: No problem, give me the picture and I’ll make Om Sayed make the dress for you darling.

♀: Who’s Om Sayed?

♂: She’s the best fashion designer in the Arab world.

♀: I’ve never heard of her. Where can I find her?

♂:  You can’t. She doesn’t have fixed quarters. She’s afraid of too much clients. I’ll bring her to you.

♀: OK. I want you to wear a purple suit like the one in this magazine.

♂: Yeah, why not. And I’ll wear a clown’s wig and nose to go with it. Listen, you have to thank God that I’m going to wear a suit in the first place. I have just the perfect black suit.

♀: Which suit? Don’t tell me it’s the same suit you wore at our engagement party 5 years ago?

♂: No no, you’ll feel it’s a different one. Forget about the suit, did you count the people you want to invite?

♀: Yes, one hundred.

♂: One hundred what?

♀: One hundred people of course!

♂: And that’s because each man in your family counts as ten?? Darling, we’re not going to invite the whole neighborhood, just our close friends and family.

♀: I only counted my close friends and family, and our close neighbors.

♂: You mean you didn’t count your friends since nursery?

♀: No, honestly!

♂: Hmmm, in that case we can hold the party in the desert. That way you can invite as many as you want.

♀: You’re making fun of me again!

♂: No, really! Think about it. Didn’t you hear about the weddings held under the sea, or in the sky? We can have an original wedding, ancient Egyptian style. We can enter the wedding on two camels. The more I think about it, the more I like it!

♀: And what will we serve the invitees?

♂: Soft drinks and sandwiches.

♀: Mum says we have to serve turkeys, lamb, and mahshy.

♂: I really love your mum. Nadia, do you insist on turkeys and mahshy?

♀: yes.

♂: And on a hotel, and on the dress in the magazine?

♀: Yes.

♂: And on the purple suit?

♀: Yes.

♂: In that case I’d better go prepare myself. Bye.

♀: Bye.


And that was the last time Nadia saw Zoheir.


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