Men, Money & Me.

Yes, we are facing an economic crisis, employees are being laid off, businessmen are suffering and finding a job might not be that easy. Meanwhile, we women work, and compete with men for jobs, and it happens that a lot of us are also single. In a tough corporate world, whether in the west or in Egypt, we women have to work harder than our male colleagues to prove ourselves. As a result, we get promoted, we succeed, and eventually we end up making more money than a lot of the men we meet.

With the rising focus on money and finances- this led me to think of how men react to women who earn more than they do. I have filtered the reactions into two; high-earning single females and high-earning married females.

 

 

With that in mind, this brings us to the following thoughts to consider:

For single women, when meeting someone for the purpose of marriage, is it ok for him to ask you how much your salary is? Is it ok for him to ask you, what are your spending habits? Is it unrealistic, to hope that the man is not interested in the women’s salary? Is it ok for him to rely on your salary as part of his income? Is it ok, for you to pay some of his bills, when need be? Would you pay for his home shopping, if he doesn’t have enough money?

 

For married women- how much would you give your husband out of your salary? Would you be alright in managing and fully contributing, or contributing with the larger portion towards the household expenses? Would you be willing to support his family financially, if they are in need of money, and your husband is unable to provide for them? Would you agree to have a shared account, with both your salaries pouring into it, and both of you have access to the funds there?

Then there is another scenario, where the husband feels very strongly against his wife, even contributing to the household expenses, with the strong belief, that this is male duty to provide for his wife and children. However, what ends up happening, is that the wife, who makes more money than her husband, results in having different spending habits than her husband. This could be exemplified, in where she buys her clothes, how much money she spends on her makeup, where she eats out and where she travels on vacation. It could be even as simple as, when they go to City Stars, does she park in the mall’s garage or outside of the mall. He might not want to park in the garage, to avoid paying the EGP 10 parking fees for example. Meanwhile, the husband, who is living on a tight reasonable budget, cannot spend the same way his wife is doing and cannot personally enjoy the same luxuries.

 

Having illustrated some of the distinctions in possible attitudes towards money- I would like to make an assumption (which is not always true and applicable on all women) that women accept all sorts of behaviour from men towards their salaries (the women’s salaries). The women give in; to the requests of the husbands demanding money, or financial support, females answer gracefully all questions about their salaries from potential grooms-to-be. Furthermore, women accept to change their lifestyles for their less fortunate husbands. The motives for the women’s behaviour, can be, either love for their husbands, or the man they have met, fear of being alone, or simply for the ship to continue sailing to sustain their marriages, for their children, or in fear of getting divorced.

 

The Men’s responses to the women’s behaviour above can be classified into the following:

 

The Secure Man.

He has no trouble with his wife or wife to be making more money than he does. He has enough confidence in himself, and his wife, that he is not threatened by it and does not dwell on it too much. This type of man, a rare species, which we are trying to cultivate in Egypt. They view marriage as partnerships, each bringing in what they can, devoid of complexities or any cultural residues.

 

The Opportunists.

This man loves the fact that his girl makes more money than he does, provided he gets to claim some of it. He does not make an issue about it, as well relishes on it, as he gets money he did not work to get, provided his wife does not make issues about it. As long as the money reaches him he is a happy man, and his wife would not hear any complaints from him.

 

The Demeaning Opportunists.

This opportunists, is similar to the one above, however he handles his wife differently. This type of man, enjoys his wife’s money, however, he does not waste any opportunity in making her feel bad about herself, or her family. He uses this approach to shake her self-esteem and make her grateful that she has earned his presence in her life. With this approach, the man guarantees that up to a certain point in time, he has her source of income. This is the worse type of mate, as he exploits the women financially and emotionally abuses her too.

 

These are very high level thoughts into how money falls into relationships between men and women, there are definitely many many more.

M personal opinion is that men and women should seek spouses of their same social and financial status, because if they don’t, and yet they marry under the spell of love, that spell will be broken by the financial pressures that the couples can encounter. There is nothing wrong with being transparent about one’s finances at the beginning of any relationship, provided that the couples are honest and aware that the differences can ruin relationships, hence honesty is vital. In terms of married women who earn more than their spouses and are exploited, I think, it would be difficult to change the nature of your spouse, the minimum you can do, is not let him make you feel bad about your self-worth in  return for your financial support.