You would think the story your husband is telling all your friends about how his father used to pretend to breast feed him would be a deal breaker. Your friends look at you horrified as he continues to describe his fathers hairy yet comforting nipples.
But you stay, because that’s what wives do.
I mean why you would leave him after he has psychologically tortured all 13 of your guests. It’s just a therapy bill after all.
But deal breaker? Nah.
“The house is quiet and dark and everyone is sleeping peacefully. Well, everyone but him. He reaches for his laptop and tip toes to the bathroom and quietly closes the door.”
It’s what happens after everyone leaves the party that ends 60% of marriages. The house is quiet and dark and everyone is sleeping peacefully. Well, everyone but him. He reaches for his laptop and tip toes to the bathroom and quietly closes the door. Your husband never does anything quietly – so you just know something’s up. He stretches out his finger eager to type www.
“He frantically pushes the mute button one too many times – making the sound of two people having sex sound like a Skrillex track.”
You crawl out of bed ready to pounce. But you wait. You’ve got to wait. He forgets to press the mute button and the noise of passion blasts through the tiny speakers. He frantically pushes the mute button one too many times – making the sound of two people having sex sound like a Skrillex track.
You can’t wait any longer. You burst into the bathroom – and to your horror – the image of 7 girls together doing things you didn’t even know where possible are lighting up the dark room. He stares wide-eyed – stumbling over his words.
“I – uh – err-I- um. I have no idea how this got here,” he finally musters. He slams the screen shut. “Honey, I would never ever watch porn. You know I love you too much. And porn is so disrespectful to women and it’s gross.”
You listen to him – almost amused – and kind of hurt. Questions start to flood your mind – how long has he done this? Does he think of them when you two are together?
And worst of all – does he think you’re bad in bed? What do you do next? You fight the urge to punch him in the junk – because you are a lady after all.
“But really? You want to label watching a video with no physical interaction cheating?”
But here’s the real question: Is watching porn the real deal breaker? An alarming number of marriages end on the premise that husband’s porn watching is akin to cheating – an ultimate betrayal of trust. But really? You want to label watching a video with no physical interaction cheating? That sounds almost as ridiculous as all those ads for penis enlargement.
Sure we want to believe when we first get married that the sex will be passionate and frequent. We as humans need to know that we are the apex of sexual satisfaction for our partners. But sparks fade and years and kids later sex becomes as common as men winning arguments.
The days of practicing positions from the Kama Sutra become history and soon daily sex turns to just sex on birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day. And while most women’s knee jerk reaction is to reject any other source of pleasure to their partners, we need to be real.
“If you have a partner who masturbates while watching porn 15 times a day – and does it at the office and has bookmarks on his phone – well, then he has a problem.”
Is porn cheating? No. Well, that depends. If you have a partner who masturbates while watching porn 15 times a day – and does it at the office and has bookmarks on his phone – well, then he has a problem. And even then I hesitate to call it cheating. It’s more like a sticky, messy situation, bordering on a full on addiction.
And sure – in those situations divorce and/or sex addiction rehab might be the right thing to do. But for the majority of men out there who like to tug the chain with company twice or three times a week. Ask yourself this, is it really worth breaking up a whole family over some tasteless, anonymous videos on the internet? And don’t even act like you’ve never watched a video or two. I mean who are we kidding, we all have needs. So ask yourself this, if the roles were reversed and it was you hiding out in the bathroom in the middle of the night – would you expect him to leave you?
No! He would be unbelievably turned on and sex three times a year would easily go up to four.
Shareen Ayoub
A firm fan of choose your own adventure books, Shareen is extremely passionate about her tongue in cheek writing. For more provocative texts and/or mommy porn kindly refer to her blog: http://shareenayoub.wordpress.com or follow her on Twitter @shareenayoub
