Koossy Says: Don’t be Like “J”

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I have a friend of mine who is nice, outgoing and so loving but when it comes to love matters she is the worst person in the world. I will tell you her story and I will call her “J” to keep her identity somehow secret. To tell you the truth I found so many J’s among my social circle so I though by telling her story you girls might learn something from her.


So the important part of our story begins when she dates a boy. She gets so impressed with “sweet boys” and the super care and you know how much we boys do that in the beginning of a relationship. Well, there is no shame of admitting that. Boys are boys and new toys are always fun to have. Some of us keep the toys as good as new and others don’t. The boy of our story is the last type. He was super-ultra-nice in the beginning; he gives her lots of attention and “love” so much more than she is used to. She falls more and more in love with him and she is hooked with a capital “H”. So naturally he becomes her hero and she starts spoiling him and treating him like a semi-God. So far so good, but the next step is the most important part in the relationship when the honeymoon period is over. The boy is now bored and wants out. But like most of them he doesn’t want to face her and say it’s over. Instead he starts giving her indirect signals. He starts acting indifferent, reducing the number of their daily calls, spending more time with his old gang and so on.

“J” is ignoring the signals and sometimes not even seeing them. She keeps on giving him excuses and keeps telling herself oh he is different than the others, maybe he is too sensitive these days to work or family pressure and list of excuses goes on.

The problem we have here is that neither the boy wants to confront her and break-up nor does she want to read the signs.

Finally, when “J” starts to realize that he is acting indifferent and he does not want her, she confronts him and he tells her let’s be just friends. The one thing I never understood about people who are romantically involved in a relationship is how could they simply switch on the friendship button and switch off the romantic one. I do believe that you can’t simply become just friends and hangout after a relationship is just over. Anyway, this is how I see it. So, back to our story, “J” and her boy decide to be “just friends”.  The following week I saw her in tears and was wondering what was going on. She told me that she saw his photos with other girls on Facebook. It was obvious that he is having a great time while she is still not over him. The most logical question that would go through your mind, if you were a normal person, is why would you keep him on Facebook? And why are you checking his profile and photos? He should be “gone and done”.

“J” gave me many excuses but none of them made sense to me. At the end she confessed that she can’t delete him and she wants to keep track of him.  She secretly hoped that he would suffer and miss her and want her back and all that.  I also discovered that the boy is still calling her from time to time. He calls whenever he senses that she is getting stronger and about to forget about him. He was playing a simple game; he wanted her as a part-time girlfriend. He can be with her when he wants and at the same time when it’s convenient he can use the phrase we are just friends so he can do whatever he wants. When “J” was telling me this, I listened to the end and asked her one direct question. Do you want him or not? She said she does not but her reactions were saying that she does. My advice to her was to cut all ties with him. No more Facebook, no more MSN and to delete his number so she won’t have to call him when she feels weak. Nice and simple recipe that will do the trick. “J” promised to do so and told me you are absolutely right. The only thing she won’t do right away was deleting him from Facebook.

A few weeks later, she called me and proudly told me that she is over him.  In spite of the fact that he still calls her and she picks up and they go out occasionally as “friends” she is over him.  It was obvious that she is not and he is still playing her but this time she knows and lying to herself by saying we are “just friends” so my advice, if you are in a situation like “J” cut everything loose and delete him from your Facebook, don’t be like “J” this is what Koossy says.

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