Kids are a gift from God, but due to our stressful lives, busy schedules, challenges and of course living in Egypt, having kids is a big deal! Not all contraceptive methods are 100% effective and sometimes a condom just breaks or you have a false safe period calculation and the worst nightmares come to haunt you: A Third Baby!
Some mothers just aren’t ready. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want kids ever, but sometimes a baby comes uninvited and you find yourself talking to everyone about how that baby you had after your 40th birthday is a mistake, or how you never wanted to have kids in your first year of marriage.
Kids just know it or hear you laughing or joking about it or about their siblings and how they were ‘a mistake’. Sometimes it’s not funny and its hurtful for this little person to learn that they came to this world as a burden.
Some mothers at The Mommy Club shared with us what they think of this sensitive subject:
Reham Adel Roushdy
I don’t know why mommies or even relatives around them ever call the last baby “a mistake”. This is a very aggressive word, not only on the baby’s ears when he/she hears it in the future, but it’s also not a lovable word to God. A baby is a pure gift from God that no one neither creates nor prevents by any means, even if the mommy is using every contraceptive method out there, and gynos always confirm this.
Let me tell you my story with my second baby, whom I called ‘unplanned’ and not a mistake at all. My son had just completed his first year then, a month later, I began to feel some pregnancy symptoms, but I just brushed them aside and told myself they were false vibrations in the uterus, especially that I was on my breastfeeding pills, which I later discovered become less effective after a year of use. Then, my period was late, so I called the pharmacy and ordered a home pregnancy test. I was so sure I wasn’t pregnant that I didn’t even think of getting a blood test.
Then came the moment of truth. I found out I was pregnant with my second child; a baby girl. Of course I was shocked and the first thing that came to mind was my first son. How will I care for two tiny living creatures? And myself, too? But I tried to do my best to control the panic, especially that I didn’t have a nanny, and even though my mom helped me with my first baby, she can’t now. I have to confess that it was getting difficult in the third trimester because I was running after my son the whole day and that sometimes made me feel early contractions. But the difficulty passed and the delivery went well, and we are now blessed with Kenzy.
After birth, caring for Kenzy was easier because I had already done it with my firstborn. It was like an exam on a subject you’ve already studied by heart. In all cases, calling your last baby a mistake is the real mistake.
Basma Mohammad Ahmad
My father passed away when I was 20. He was everything beautiful and meaningful to me. That’s why when I got married I wanted to have a son. My firstborn is a girl and of course I was ecstatic about her, but my dream was still to have a boy and raise him like my dad.
3 years later, I had another girl! I was very happy and felt blessed that they will grow up to be best friends. I thought God didn’t want me to have a boy, so I decided to just stop trying. But God works in mysterious ways! 2 weeks after I gave birth, I found out I was pregnant. Yes, you read it right! TWO WEEKS! And this, time it was a boy!
That’s when I realized that God is great and that he gives you whatever you pray for, and that this third baby was in no way a mistake! He came for a reason, and maybe we do not know it now, but we will know it and feel it by time. I finally had my dad again, and my baby boy looks exactly like him. He is as kind as him and is named after him. I was pregnant for 18 months, had two back-to-back C-sections and had to cut through the first incision, but all these risks I endured can never be called a mistake!
It’s definitely an adventure, but not a mistake. Everyone thinks they’re twins, there is a 9 months and 12 days difference between them. A lot of people make fun of this story and I hear a lot of silly comments, but Mohamed is definitely worth it.
Hanan El Maazawy
The biggest shock ever is to find out that you are pregnant for the third time; that you will repeat the whole 9-month agony again, and that you will live through all the hard times of taking care of a baby for at least another 2 or 3 years.
But by my 8th month of pregnancy, I started to realize that it will be great to have a baby with 2 daughters. They will help me take care of her/him, and they will be close siblings.
So the shock turned to happiness and now, I’m ready for my new life and for our 5th family member.
And the bigger shock is that, after her birth, I now want a 4th baby so badly!
Yasmine M. Abdullah
My two babies are under two! Being a mom of two kids under the age of two is the most hectic and tiring 24/7 job there is. Malika is almost 22 months old and Hamza is almost 7 months old. He was an unplanned pregnancy, but definitely not a mistake! He’s a blessing to all of us, even to his sister.
It all started when Malika was 7 months old. I started noticing those weird pregnancy symptoms and I was in total denial and decided to ignore them completely. One day, I decided to do a home pregnancy test and it came out negative. A week later, I tried another one and it was positive, and I was completely shocked! It’s not that I wanted just one child, but it wasn’t the right time for me. I was afraid having a second baby wouldn’t be fair to Malika.
Later on, I found out that God’s plan for us was better than any other plan I would have made. He was a very calm baby during the first 6 months and I didn’t feel I was tired or that he was a burden. Meanwhile, Malika was never jealous of him, thank God. She is the kindest, sweetest sister ever! She used to draw my attention to him when she hears him crying and, now that she can say a few words, when he wakes up, she celebrates saying, “Yaaay! Zozi sahyy!” and does a little dance of joy.
I would never say that it’s easy, but it’s manageable. In the beginning, the idea felt impossible and I almost got depressed as I thought I would fail at taking good care of both them, and of course everyone scared me. I went through sleepless nights, headaches, and I don’t have any ‘me time’, but it’s definitely worth it.
When I see how strong their bond is and when I see her love for him in her eyes, and his admiration of her in his as they follow her everywhere, I truly regret ever thinking that he was a mistake. They both taught me how to appreciate my blessings and that God’s plan is always the best for us.
