HIStory vs HERstory

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A few days ago at work one of the guys was walking around after a big fast food meal, which of course included fries and definitely its forever companion ketchup. He had a wet-one napkin in his hand struggling to remove the ketchup stains stuck in his nails. So I was genuinely telling him to ask his wife to remove them for him when he got home. I was shocked with a surprising look on his face saying “I don’t think my wife would ever do this for me, she never did my nails before, I didn’t even dare to ask”. “I didn’t even DARE to ask???” Excuse me?? She’s your wife!! Mind you, this started up a very hot intriguing conversation about the way women were years ago and how the man would come home to find his wife ready with a bucket of hot water and salt for his feet (you know… Si el sayed style), food prepared, house clean and everything perfectly set. I’m sure most men, if not all, wish for these days to come back. I don’t agree with that; at least not the exact same way it was back then but ladies; don’t you think its worth doing that for SOME men?
We all keep complaining that men don’t treat us well, they don’t care as much as we do, they’re always with their friends PlayStationing or playing Tarneeb at the coffee shop and when it comes to us they’re suddenly so tired and “not in the mood” and want to sleep as they have work in the morning, though they could spend hours and hours till 3/4am with their friends and they have no problem waking up fresh and ready for work the next day… but I want to point out something, don’t you think that we have a major role to play in such cases? I’m a strong believer that women are exceptionally intelligent. Any woman can get EXACTLY what she wants if she just knows how to utilize her intelligence with her man correctly. Don’t start thinking that I’m a perfect partner or that I never ever complain or do stupid things but I’m trying to work on it with the help of my partner, listening to his side, trying to understand the male brain and mentality, looking out for common problems around me from other couples… but I have a tiny story worth sharing with you:
I have a friend whose heart throbbed for a guy who was a PlayStation addict (yeah I’m sure this is every other girl’s case). When they were dating/engaged she never felt any problem concerning that issue as at some point she had to go home and he would continue his night at any of his friends’ place. Along came marriage!!! She, being a normal girl; emotional, having Cinderella dreams about marriage and about her husband coming home every night and they’d cuddle up in front of “Sweet November” with their hot chocolate and gummy bears, and he on the other hand, also being a man, not “predicting” that this might be a problem with her (how dare he), was still doing the same things he was doing before they got married. They lived in hell and fights and arguments for a while until she decided, and I’m stressing on SHE decided that something had to be done to reach middle grounds without any of them being upset. Guess what she did??? She got up one day, went and bought him a PlayStation kit!! The full kit!! The smart thing is, she didn’t ask him to stop going to his friends, she just slipped the words “feel free to invite your friends over for a PS night, and I’ll make dinner”. PS night at their place has become the favorite night for the guys, they’re beating each other at “Winning 11” and getting clean home made food AND being served. To get to the bottom of it, after a while he cooled down, his PS nights diminished, not because she asked him to but because she appreciated his hobby and found a way to enjoy it with him.
Men are big babies, really they are, and I don’t mean it in a bad way, I mean they are very easy to please and very easy to comprehend, unlike women “the source of complication”!! If a woman can be smart enough to understand what’s important for her partner and try to share it with him she would make herself a very happy female. Instead of pin pointing on his flaws and getting really annoyed of them, she should try to turn them into something positive, something she likes. I read about this in a very interesting book I highly recommend called “Receiving Love” by Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD (not sure if she’s the “What Women Want” movie Helen Hunt). J The name actually reflects the book content, it shows you how to receive love, they way you want it. It’s not exactly a self-help kind of book but it really has some insights that are worth considering in your life in general.
I agree that some men are really pains in the neck and that the word “gentleman” doesn’t even exist in some men’s dictionary but come to think of it, the power of a woman can do wonders! Also, you’re a WOMAN, you are smart enough to know or sense if this man is worth your efforts or not.
And what’s up with the word “Marriage material”?? What IS marriage material? When can I say that this guy is marriage material or not? It really depends on what “design” you have in mind for your marriage. If we for example say that your marriage is a dress that you need to design, you need to think of what fabric you would use to make that dress… not just make it but make it look outstanding, unique, comfortable and most importantly suits you. We all know that some designs require certain fabrics and some fabrics cannot be used for certain designs… you can’t have a princess dress in cotton for example, it’ll drop down and wont ever look big and bubbly as you would want it. I know it seems like a very far and shallow example but think about it… you can put that puffy stuff under it but it would still look not right, my point is that you can’t go for a guy and expect to change him to suit your list of “marriage material”, and vice versa of course. Some girls think that a guy is marriage material when he has a lot of money and loves to travel, loves kids and has a stable job. Well yes it’s true and all but that’s not it, there are more important things that make a guy marriage material, that he’s honest, sensitive to his partner’s needs… ALL her needs, understands the female psychology and can handle the mood swings, especially the ones related to hormonal changes, and so many other things.
I personally think that there is a lack of communication between couples and this is what causes men to think that women aren’t good enough and give themselves the right and excuses to complain and cheat on them, and women think that men never understand them and always say the wrong things and love their friends more than their wives/girlfriends.
A message to men: Communicate with your partner, try to turn your side of the picture more towards your partner, even if she can’t be in your shoes, at least help her to appreciate or support you; don’t expect her to get it on her own!
A message to women: Be smart!! It’s all in your hands, make an effort, use your emotions positively rather than whining about how unemotional he is, understand him, see his side of the coin, and know what you want!! Women DON’T know what they want… this is what this magazine is all about !!!
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