Please step into my shoes for a few minutes and read this girl’s email, and tell me what is wrong with this picture.
Hi Marwa,
Please answer me!
My problem is that I don’t know if I am a virgin or not. I am 22 now but when I was in school in 9th grade I had a boyfriend who was in college. A friend and her boyfriend took me and my boyfriend to a trip to the North Coast and we spent the day. I don’t know what to say or how to explain, but he used his hand.
I don’t know if am virgin or not … at that time I didn’t know what virgin means, what’s a hymen and I didn’t have any knowledge but I knew it was wrong and “haram” and I knew I had to lie to my family and everyone. I made mistakes like any teenager but never this big and I regret it.
Now I know the value of virginity and I don’t know what I am, I didn’t do it since then and am now a good person. I don’t have or need any boyfriend and when the time comes I want a serious relationship and I know I’ll be good wife to this person.
I regret doing it but since 9th grade till now I didn’t do anything.
My Reply: Honey, you need to see a doctor… I cannot tell you anything about that.
Thank you Marwa, Sorry I will ask a second question. Does it make any difference that I didn’t do anything since 9th grade? When I get married only the blood will tell him if am virgin or not? When I was in 9th grade I didn’t see blood – I think I didn’t – and thank you so much for not judging me.
My Reply: I will never judge you but I do not want to mislead you. The fact that you did not do anything since 9th grade means that when you get married, you could be very tight (a sign of lack of sexual experience and lack of regular intercourse). It does not mean that there must be blood some bleed and some don’t at all.
In some cases, the hand might cause a little tear in the hymen… so you are a virgin, you could bleed on your wedding night, and no one will know anything.
In other cases, the hand can fully rupture the hymen … so you are not a virgin, still you could or not bleed on your wedding night.
But there are the cases where there is no blood and no hymen.
Go to a doctor, tell her/him that you used to do martial arts (Taekwondo, Karate, etc) when you were young and you are worried that the stretching tore your hymen. He/she will look … only look … and will tell you exactly the condition of your hymen.
There is nothing to be ashamed of! Doctors are sworn to maintain the privacy of their patients… and they do not judge either.
Thank you Marwa so much.
I read your reply more than once and I swear I cried and I felt relieved. I know there is big chance that I won’t be a virgin or maybe I still am. But talking to you and your answer and your explanation and you didn’t judge made me feel relieved.
I didn’t go to the doctor and I can’t.
God knows how much I am scared!
So back to my question: what is wrong with this picture?
If all you could see is a girl who is sinful and ill-mannered – then you need to grow a heart!
This girl has been suffering because of guilt and doubt since she was almost 13 years old! NOT FAIR!
This girl chose to contact me – a writer – to ask me about a medical condition! SO WRONG!
This girl would rather live in misery than go to a doctor for fear of being judged or scandalized! SERIOUS MESS!
Can someone please help me find answers to those questions?
Since when does a doctor have the right to judge a patient?
Since when does a doctor have the right to refuse to treat a patient because he/she is sinful or guilty or whatever it is they think of him/her?
How many people have AIDS or other blood-borne diseases and live among us in silence for fear of being judged and alienated – by doctors and by the society?
How many men and women have STDs – and know it – but are too shy to ask for help?
How many doctors refused to abort a woman and left her trying oldwives tales – hence, endangering her life?
How many doctors refuse to treat male or female homosexuals?
How many doctors forget that they are healers and turn into jurors?
How many patients lie to their doctors?
How many doctors forget their pledge of “no harm” and give in to social norms and stupid traditions?
How many more emails do I have to get and publish for this society to wake up from its comma?
Here is the doctor’s oath in English to remind everyone who is sworn to what!
The Doctor’s Oath
I swear by God the Almighty to be devout in my profession and to safeguard the human life in all conditions and circumstances. I vow to do my best to save lives from death, disease, pain, and anxiety. I vow to preserve the dignity, privacy, and modesty of patients. I will always be a representative of God’s mercy extending my knowledge of medicine and care to everyone who seeks help; the good and the sinner; friend and foe. I will diligently seek knowledge and use it for the benefit of people not their harm. I solemnly pledge to dignify my tutors, to teach my predecessors, and to be a dutiful brother to all my colleagues in the profession of medicine – all united in goodwill and righteousness. My life and actions, in public and private, will be an exemplification of my faith and beliefs.
God is my witness.
