For all the wrong reasons

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I used to have a female best friend since we were little kids, we used to hang out together all the time, have sleep-overs, cook together (and burn the food of course), go to the club at 8AM and turn ourselves black in the pool all day, have lunch,  and do all sorts of things. We used to always say that we wanted to marry 2 guys who were best friends and we actually wanted to find opposite apartments in the same building on the same floor!! We always thought we would never part and that we were exactly the same. That lasted till each of us started going to university. I actually went to university before her but anyway, that’s not the point. During that period we didn’t see much of each other as we did before, we would still call each other up and gossip about our new boyfriends and all the little details. Listening to her stories is when I realized that we were quite different, we kind of grew apart.


She was telling me that what she was looking for was a husband… PERIOD!! She didn’t really care about what his likes/dislikes were, whether he treated her well or not, she didn’t mind dropping out of college for the sake of getting married. She got engaged to a guy who was 15 years older than she was, who she actually never met; his sister met her at the mosque and told her “My brother is looking for a bride, what do you think?”, and she actually didn’t mind having them over to propose! This girl is a normal girl from a very good family, her mom is originally Turkish, she graduated from a very good private language school, she studied at a very good college, she’s pretty, smart, elegant, sweet, funny and very determined in her life.


Why are girls in so much of a hurry to get married? Apparently there are a lot of deep reasons that most of us don’t know or think about. Actually that question brought up so many other questions like: why are there so many girls out there who are extremely smart, independent, good looking, funny, come from very good families, mature, etc … and are still single? On the other hand, girls who are not as smart or as funny or as good looking as those girls, and are happily married? I’m sure every female is special in her own way and has her own inner beauty, and every girl has certain things that make her happy but still, it is shocking to see so many great girls out there who just haven’t found their match yet.


I’ll list a few reasons that are partially from talking to other females and partially from my own personal point of view after drawing up my own conclusions out of observing and communicating with different mentalities.


1)      “He doesn’t have a villa in Marina!”:

No matter how westernized and how open minded we are, we have a lovely culture that I personally very much respect (though not necessarily 100% convinced with) and I’m proud to be part of. However, there are things in this culture that really stun me, in our generation, how many guys are financially ready to support themselves totally without their parents’ help? How many families can afford to buy their son’s bride a 500m house in Zamalek, and a summer house in Marina and a wedding ring that costs 200,000 LE and pay a dowry of another 200,000 LE, and.. and.. and? A lot of the parents sit back, swing one leg over the other and demand figures that are literally impossible, then wonder why their daughter passed the age of 30 and is still living with them. Here starts the pressure of getting married and the “You’re getting older, when are you going to have kids?” have no end combined with “We want to live to see you get married and see your kids”. I really do understand where they are coming from as every parent wants the best for their kids, but don’t these parents realize that they were the reason she’s still single? After that, the girl starts believing that this is correct and that she has to have a house just like her cousin and a ring as big as her best friend’s.


2)      “He’s a womanizer!!”

Some people decide that they want to marry someone for a specific reason; like a girl decides that she wants to marry a rich man, or a guy says he wants to marry a veiled girl. It’s totally respected to be specific and know the EXACT reasons you want to marry someone, or the exact features you’re looking for in a partner, but the most important thing is, you have to accept all the consequences of your choice, i.e. take the example of the girl who was looking for a rich man to marry, fine, he’s rich, you live in a superstar’s house, you dress yourself with the latest fashion, your wrists can’t carry your hands up because of all the diamonds you’ve got on your fingers, but don’t complain that he’s a womanizer, or that he is a dictator at home, or that he doesn’t like yoga… that’s not what you were looking for from the start, remember?? It’s ok to want to live a luxurious life, we all do, but either make it ONE of your priorities or just accept that and don’t ask for more than that.


3)      “I can’t live with my parents any more, I have to get married!”.

Girls, come on, do you really think so? Do you really think that when you get married you’re going to be better off than being in your parents’ house? Well you might be, if you chose the right person and know exactly what marriage is about, but if you’re getting married for the reason of just leaving you parents’ house, I’d like to tell you that you are doomed to misery!! The guy might turn out to be a nice guy, but you are walking into marriage from the wrong door.


To conclude, women need to know what they really want, for the right reasons and fight for it because if you don’t know or want it for the wrong reasons, you will end up hurting yourself and all the people around you. And don’t expect others to know what you want if you don’t!

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