Devil in Disguise – To give or not to give?

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A girl I know was preparing for her marriage last year and what a shock did she receive. I am about to tell you her story but there are some parts that I prefer not to reveal. She is a decent girl who graduated from one of the best universities in Egypt and has been one of the top students during her academic life. Just like any other fool, she fell in love with a complete loser. Someone, whom she found out at the end to have only known her because she is beautiful and rich; love kept her blind to realize it until it was too late. He was not qualified by any means to marry her. I am not talking here financially; I am talking about personality traits and attitude. She was very giving, understanding and supportive to him. She stood by his side until he got an offer for a decent job in United Arab Emirates. They got engaged; he traveled to UAE to start his job, which he would have never got with out her love and support. A couple of months later, he returned and told her “we must get married as soon as we can, I can hardily live without you and I felt how important you are to me when we stayed apart for some time”. She told him “we never agreed to marry this soon, nothing is prepared”.  He replied that there is a very good package that he is not eligible to take except if he is married so they agreed to make the marriage contract and consumate the wedding whenever ready. Her ultimate goal at that time, just as any other time during their relation was to please him and push him forward in his career and life. They made the contract (Katb el Ketab) and then he traveled again. They didn’t get a flat because they were traveling and she wasn’t the kind of girl who would settle in a normal flat having lived in one of the most prestigious areas of Cairo. However, she settled the wedding date, registered and prepared every single thing to have the best wedding ever and waited for her "husband" to arrive. He called her a week before the wedding and told her “well darling, I am afraid I won’t be able to attend our wedding, I only came to Egypt to marry you and get the package but I don’t think we can continue together nor can we form a very good couple, however it was nice knowing you and I would love to thank you for everything you have done so far”. The girl fainted and was hospitalized for a month and never got in touch with this villain again. What a shock? This is not a very exceptional case, nor a case that is out of this world. It is an example of similar and near by stories that happens every now and then. I heard a couple of similar stories in a very short period of time. What I noticed is that most of the time girls are the victims. I am not biased, trust me, it is the mere fact.
I do consider this girl to be a model for giving and for being honest to her lover but I think she is a big fool as well. When giving makes one harm himself, it becomes destructive. In the old days, people used to ask themselves "to be or not to be"; I believe that the newer version of the question became "to give or not to give". I am asking this question because lately it has persistently been the core of my conversations with friends and close companions (especially girls). We always tend to ask ourselves “do we give too much?”, if yes, we do, is this wrong or right? My friends who don’t give as much, seem to be in a better emotional condition than those who do. I have been asking myself this question for a long time, am I a fool that I give? Should I remain giving people no matter what are the consequences? From the story I chose to share with you, along with so many other identical stories I hear every day at work or in outings, I am asking you now, if we shall give?
Normally those who give, do so because they love others. You can hardly give or enjoy giving if you don’t have pleasure in it. Honestly speaking I do enjoy it greatly. It is a pleasure to put a smile on anybody’s face and to offer help to your utmost capabilities, especially when this someone is your significant other. But giving should be with limits, no matter how good you are and no matter how giving your nature is. The more you do of it, the more you will regret it and vice versa. Give as much as you feel the recipient is appreciating. I am not asking you here not to give, because I am the first one who will not follow these words then. But I am asking you to think before giving especially when you are not yet in a marriage relation. Until you and your significant other gets married, you are two separate entities. In real life, there is nothing as being ONE unless you are in the same house. When giving is not in its right time and place it is not worthwhile. Albert Einstein said “it is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it”. Unfortunately, not all of us think this way, other wise a story like the one above will not exist. For all those who give like crazy, for all those who forget themselves for the sake of others, think of your self as much. Be quite sure that this person will be as grateful as you want them to be. Will the recipient give you half as much as what you are giving if he had the chance? Will he sacrifice as much as you are now if put in your shoes? Do they always deserve? The answer is normally "no, they don’t deserve at all". How many times have you given to someone and realized that he is too ungrateful for you? It often happens with me and as soon as I am in such a condition I promise myself “well I am not going to behave like this again” only to start the same vicious cycle once more in the nearest occasion. Don’t think, I am rude or mean, my close friends know that I am totally opposite to what I am asking you here to do. But because of the great hurt I witness and the greater pain I encounter regularly seeing people around in similar problems, I had the feeling of having this small chat with you and telling you what I think using a very true story as an illustration. I would like to thank the girl for sharing this story with her friends so as to teach them and give them a lesson.
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