There are a couple of relationship groups on Facebook the sole purpose of which is for women to discuss their problem in a safe, non-biased, judgment-free zone. The purpose of these groups is not to replace marriage counseling or psychiatric help if needed; rather to provide women with compassion, support and understanding that can only come from fellow women. Support and understanding that should only come from women, because we – women – should have each other’s backs in a man’s world and a testosterone-driven society like ours! Am I right?
“the actual heartbreaking fact is that other women are judging those women, asking them to do more work and maybe even calling them names”
I see stories of physically and emotionally abused women, women who have been drained of their basic rights, women who are now bankrupt for the sake of their men, women who live with men who sucked the life out of them until they stopped even having the energy or the will to walk out of the damn door! It breaks my heart that this is not the saddest truth; the actual heartbreaking fact is that other women are judging those women, asking them to do more work and maybe even calling them names! One of the most hateful recurring topics is women who are bored with their life and routine. They wake up to the same domestic chores everyday: children, lunch boxes, laundry, cooking and maybe even an exhausting job to top it off! She complains of a basic need: she wants to feel that her husband is exerting an effort to make the relationship work. She is not asking him to do something crazy or be super unpredictable – which is what most Egyptian men claim to be before marriage, by the way! She just wants to feel that she is not a chair, a faded version of who she used to be before marriage and kids. You know what other women’s advice is? To keep herself busy with sports, reading, yoga, zumba classes, join a cult, grow a beard, get a tan or a new look, changing her hair into green!
“Why is it when the man is bored or complaining about how much “el madam is depressing”, the woman is always told to lose weight, buy new clothes, smile more often, cook exotic meals and plan a lovely weekend getaway?”
So a woman is advised by fellow women to go the extra mile on her own time, her own arena, her own effort and her own altogether! Why is it when the man is bored or complaining about how much “el madam is depressing”, the woman is always told to lose weight, buy new clothes, smile more often, cook exotic meals and plan a lovely weekend getaway? At which point in our lives did it become the woman’s job to act as a court jester dancing all over the house, fulfilling everyone’s needs? Why do we assume she has the time or the money to integrate all that entertainment in her routine? Why can’t she just get the proper treatment that she deserves from the man she married at their own home during the natural course of the day?
Why don’t we advise men to put an effort? The Egyptian man is unfortunately led to believe that he needs to do all the hard work before marriage. By the time the poor guy is done with the wedding, he wants to step back and let his wife do all the work. Why not? He lived in a house in which his mother did all the work and even if he does not admit it, this is the only living model that he believes in. Not all men are like this? Well, most men in the groups I follow are like this. What if your wife comes and tells you that she is bored? What would you say or do to make her feel better? Would you get out of your way like you used to? Drive all the way across town to pick her up and drop her off when you were engaged? You had the same job and the same routine then and now. You just consciously decide to be a couch potato after you get married.
“If you are bored, tell your husband you need a break or a change or a surprise.”
And why don’t we advise women to fight? You deserve to be happy, you are beautiful! And you should never be with any man who makes you have doubts about your self-worth. Fight for your flowers, fight for the treatment you deserve, and most importantly, fight for the sake of all the women out there who need to know they can and will be happy! If you are bored, tell your husband you need a break or a change or a surprise. Don’t be passive and wait until the relationship takes a bad turn and then try to struggle your way back. Because there is one fact I know for sure: women are much more conscious of their feelings than men, and they are definitely more capable of transferring their thoughts into action. This is something that should never be taken lightly and hence needs to be carried with honor and pride!
Advice for both women and men: you are not your parents; please do not settle for what older generations settled for!
Regina Inani
HR Manager
Twitter: @GinaInani
