This letter is not about what to look for in a man, but how to build a relationship founded on mutual respect, love and appreciation.
No one is perfect, and there is no prince charming. Period. Relationships are built, and building requires constant change. So find building tools that you can depend on, and build a strong foundation of values translated into habits. Look for a dynamic with roots in transparency, strong communication, and acceptance at its core. Anything worth having takes time.
Love yourself, love others, and never hold back on your love. When you love with the intent of projecting love –not receiving it– you remove the dependency of needing to chase after love.
You immediately take back control of your feelings and emotions. So never chase love, affection or attention –these things must be given freely. In other words don’t try to find a saviour: save yourself. Never depend on anyone for your own well-being or happiness.
Understand your emotions, and never let them control your actions. Emotions are a result of stimuli that generate an inward effect, and may be translated into outward actions. Domination, possession, control and suppression may disguise themselves as care and protection, when in reality they almost certainly lead to self-hate. Just as a relationship built on appreciation, trust, support and freedom will definitely generate self-love. Think picking a flower versus watering a plant, caging a bird versus building bird shelters.
Pain is part of life and love, and it helps you grow. Don’t expect a relationship that has no pains, but one that helps you live an imperfect life in radical amazement.
Life happens. Shit happens. Take control and move on by changing the things your mind can’t accept, or changing your mind to accept the things it can’t change.
Time and attention are your two most valuable assets. Spend them mindfully on people who matter and understand your worth. We always only just have this moment. This very breath may be our last. To take it is a hint of its divinity. Happiness is a mindset that can only be designed into the present. It’s not a point in the future, or a moment from the past.
Live free by taking responsibility. Free your mind of hate, of fear, of judgment. Let all those feelings pass acknowledged and unmoving, until you’re left with self-reliance. Then surround yourself with those that align with the same thought patterns, and don’t be afraid to love them unconditionally. They will cherish, protect and reciprocate your feelings. Find love within; don’t seek it, attract it.
Finally, know that love is much greater than “I love you”. It’s a drive bigger than emotions such as happiness, sadness, disgust, or surprise. A state of mind, or a state of being, deeply rooted in consciousness, and translated into a biological expression. Being an expression literally means it’s an outward statement that has an effect on the world.
Nabil Rostom is a flamboyant father of two, social entrepreneur and Founder of the Jumpsuite and The Wellness Log.
Instagram: Nabil Rostom
