Change Yourself Before Trying to Change Your Partner

 Many women’s emotions are basically reactions to their partners’ behaviors. Practicing emotional intelligence will maintain a balance in your marriage. In this article, I will focus on Daniel Goleman’s ‘mixed model’ and its five components; self-awareness, self-regulation, social skill, empathy, and motivation.

  1. Practice self-awareness to master your emotions and know the real reason behind the actions you take.

Identify your emotions and see their impact on your daily life.

Face yourself and start writing down your feelings randomly. Be honest and understand your feelings. Afterwards, filter your feelings by crossing out those which exist for no reason to manage yourself and move forward in life.

Identify your strengths and limits.

Write down your points of strengths and limits to clearly see the true you, and seek solutions to develop yourself.

  1. Manage and control your feelings; this is self-regulation.

Managing your feelings will help you go through the day. Self-regulation makes you more in control of yourself and in charge of your feelings.

Have some basic principles in your life that you are NOT willing to compromise.

List the values you care about most in your life. Clarifying your values will develop principles you cherish and help create a clear vision of yourself. In view of that, spontaneous decisions will be created whenever you go through any situation.

Confront your responsibilities.

Carrying a responsibility may be difficult, but why not look at it from a different angle? Confront yourself and say, “I choose to carry my responsibilities as I fulfill them in the way I want.” You will instantly stop seeing your responsibilities as a burden; in fact, you will perform your duties with pride and happiness.

Since you give, you need to take.

Schedule time in your day for yourself to do what you love. You must, with no excuse, implement this plan. It is the time for gaining some rewards and pampering yourself. Pick the activities you like doing most for yourself and start doing them!

  1. Your empathy is a talent.

Research proves that women are talented with having empathy. Why not make use of your talent and implement it in your relationship with your husband in the right way?

Watch out for body language.

Observe your partner’s body language. 90% of his communication is through his nonverbal methods! Check his facial expressions and body posture, this will help you understand his feelings and know what is going on in his mind.

Put yourself in his shoes; it is not the same as compromising!

Putting yourself in his shoes is looking at the situation from his point of view. Understanding so will make you see the true reason behind his behavior. Therefore, you will be more stable and calm when dealing with him.

  1. Learn and implement social skills.

This is the time where you need to know how to communicate with your partner.

Talk, listen and then talk back.

Organize your thoughts and set what you want to say clearly. If he interrupts, then listen, and give him the space to talk. Afterwards, talk back and continue what you want to say. Never end the conversation without grabbing his attention and clarifying your point of view. Make sure you reach a balanced decision between you both.

Have some standards to keep a respectful relationship.

Some husbands argue as a sense of control over their wives, and such control can leave the wife psychologically unbalanced. Here, you need to maintain standards and have the ‘we need to talk’ time. Be clear about what you do not accept and set clearly the way he should treat you and talk with you. His irritation during this conversation is a sign of a sense of guilt where he hides to protect his ego. Do not take it on yourself or allow him to provoke you; his provoking words or behavior are created by him to win over you. In all cases, it should never be a win-lose situation.

  1. Be motivated and have the desire to live for a reason.

Ask yourself, “what do I need to do in my life for myself?”

Accept yourself for who you are and love it!

You are a unique woman who went through many life events and experiences. God created your uniqueness for a reason. Be grateful and move on with great pride in your uniqueness.

Have your own personal dreams.

Fulfill your dreams; your dreams will not keep you from your relationship. In fact, achieving your dreams will make you happy and this happiness will reflect on your relationship.

Dear women, always remember how beautiful you are from the inside and the outside. Believe in yourself and pamper yourself with love and rights you deserve. Never accept or settle for something less.



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