Me: “MOOOOOOOOMMMMM….. I hate this guy and I don’t want to be with him… I really don’t, please call him and call his parents and ask him to get the hell out of my life! He doesn’t love me and I obviously don’t either, if he loved me he wouldn’t do this to me… he wouldn’t leave me cry my eye balls out every single night like this… he wouldn’t… he wouldn’t… (suddenly out of words and bad things he did), I just want him out of life!”
Mom: “OK sweety, please just cool down, nothing deserves what you’re both doing to yourselves, this is just a phase and…”
Me (Cutting her off with a scream): “NO mom, it’s not just a phase… this is what our life is going to be like, he will just make me cry and leave me to rot”
Mom: “No darling, when you get married and live in one house you will…”
Me (cutting her off AGAIN): “WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED!!! I’m not marrying this guy, he is not going to change mom, he won’t, he will be the exact same and maybe even worse”
Mom (Starting to worry a bit): “It’s OK my baby, if you don’t want to marry him it’s OK, we’ll do what you want but just cool down. Tell me darling… I’m your mom, what has he done to you?”
Me: “Well… lots of things… first he never listens, he also always has something to say, he just doesn’t understand me, he doesn’t care about what I care about. He won’t take care of me (that’s when I start getting all emotional all over again)” Sniff sniff
And it goes on and on… and yes that IS a real conversation between a Bride (which is mad me) and my poor mom. Since I have become aware of life and relationships and marriage and all of that, people had the exact same things to say about it and the exact same opinions; men get cold feet before marriage, they are not like females, we get excited about our wedding party, our wedding dress, the ring, etc, but men… they don’t care AND they are freaking scared of the whole thing. Well, I believed all of that for a long time until I was actually in these very shoes I’m stuck in today, which are my bride shoes!
It is true that weddings don’t really matter to men except when it comes down to “How much am I paying for it?” I can’t blame them; weddings are for girls, they care about AFTER the party is over. But guess what? Girls get excited and all when they discuss the wedding plans, the bridal shower, shopping for the perfect dress with their girlfriends just like what we see in all those “chick flicks”, but when she lays back on her bed and actually thinks about the actual idea of marriage, that’s when it all hits her!
Today, I wake up every morning, shower, leaving my bathrobe on my bed, try on a hundred outfits and a thousand shoes, pick up my things and leave home. I walk up to my car, all fresh and ready to take on the day, drive to work, leave my car key with the “Sayes” (Car Parker), start my working day, order my doughnut and hot chocolate from Cilantro, have a tough time deciding whether to order lunch from Chili’s or Abu El Sid, finish up my day, go out for a coffee with some friends (or my fiancé), go home, toss my clothes in the laundry bag and find my clean ironed clothes from last week neatly settled in my cupboard, my thousand pairs of shoes stacked and shined in my shoe cabinet and my bed tidily set. Just to remind you… all that was TODAY, as in I’m still “single” or not married yet.
CUT: I’m that same happy girl, but now married in her marriage nest with her high school sweetheart, excited about her new home and she can finally cuddle up with her man, and travel with him and go to a midnight movie and jump out of her seat when he says he’s thirsty. I start doing my normal daily rituals, the tossing, the keys left with Sayes, the lunch debate, everything… now I’m back home… did anyone organize the process of washing, drying, folding, ironing, receiving and stacking in the cupboard? Did my dad leave that envelope; he promised to fix that bump on the car that the “Sayes” did? Did anyone organize my trial clothes and shoes back in the cupboards? My husband comes over, kisses my shoulder and tells me “How much money have we got left from the house money?”, and I realize I finished them because I’ve been eating out everyday! Now THAT’S one part; how about when we have our first fight?
Now when we’re still engaged, we’d have a fight and when it got really bad we’d hang up the phone and just chill on our own; but when we share a house, what will it be like? Will he leave me sob in my pillow and sleep on the couch or will he give me his back and sleep? I’m thinking all those questions when I was having that obnoxious conversation with my mom; will he take care of me like my parents do? The biggest question of all: is that it? Is this the last person I will ever be with? No more options? Yeah I know… by this point you should be very sure you want this person and usually you know you can’t be with another, but still, don’t you ALL feel that sometimes? Don’t you miss the feeling of being up for grabs?
It’s a dilemma and there is no way out but the only way I could think of is; KNOW what you’re getting into, know what to expect… I’m not saying be a pessimist, but be realistic. We could paint our own picture of marriage as pretty as we want to, and keep that picture never throw it away, but if you know what to expect you’ll be ready for it and when times get hard, dig out that pretty picture and try to copy it into your life, it will work, MAKE it work! It’s just a phase (I hope), my mom is right. Moms are always right.
Not only men get cold feet, they just stress differently. Oh and a piece of advice; they don’t care about the wedding so don’t stress yourself and don’t ring him up complaining that the flower lady got the big yellow flowers instead of the pink ones… call your best friend.