They never grow up. Mommy’s little boy will always be mommy’s little boy. She will go out of her way to protect him, support him, feed him, pick up after him, do his laundry, and the list goes on and on.
And after mom has done her share and her little boy is ready to leave the nest, he has his little Mrs. Now to do all mommies’ duties.
Pathetic, don’t you think?
How many men, Egyptian men that is, do you know that have actually lived on their own in the time between leaving mommy’s nest and starting their own nest? How many men do you know that have done this willingly? And I am not talking about a 6 month interval while he was doing an internship abroad, and I am not talking about living at the dorms while at university either. I am talking about 100% self supporting, self serving life, self feeding and self managing.
Let’s assume you know a few men who have had this enlightening experience and have gone into marriage knowing full well the responsibilities of keeping a household running smoothly, how many of those actually pitch in and help their wives?
How many pajamas have you had to get off the floor and hang behind the door? How many suits have you had to hang up in the closet at the end of the day (and if he hung it up – you still have to rearrange it because it’s lopsided), and we all know what the T-shirt and shirt pile looks like after “man” has taken out what he’ll wear for the day, you once again have to organize them because more often than not, it’s all a mess. How many dirty underwear, socks and T-shirts have you had to pick up and put in the laundry hamper? For that matter how many times have you taken something he hung up on the clothes rack because he didn’t see the mud stain at the bottom and just hung it up without even looking?
How many times have you fished cigarette butts out of half drunken coffee mugs? How many times have you had to get a dish out of the sink and empty the crumbs in the trash bin?
They never grow up! No matter what they do, no matter what we do, as long as there’s a woman available to do it, they’ll just sit back and watch and lo and behold if you don’t do it, then they complain about the pigsty you’ve made of the house!
It’s funny really, or at least I try to convince myself its funny.
“Clean up” is one of the first things we teach our children, why is it that men forget this concept as they grow? Why does it become hidden in the recesses of their minds? Why does it become obscure? Is it a psychological issue? A social issue? Or is it just plain laziness? We’ll never know because they’ll never tell us!
On a happy note: they do amuse us. One has to look at the bright side of things. Just think of it as one extra child in the house.
You could argue and say it’s not their fault, and that they were raised this way, to depend on the woman to do all household chores, whether she is working out of the house or not. You might claim that it’s a woman’s job. You can say a whole bunch of things, and you may or may not be correct. It’s all open to debate. I would have to agree that most of the burden is on the woman’s shoulders by nature. But come on, men can and should pick up after themselves, they should be able to at least put their dirty clothes in the hamper, or wipe the dish before putting it in the sink. Simple stuff.
On the emotional side, men are little boys at heart. They’ll pout and frown. After an argument that wasn’t resolved to his liking, your man will probably pout and “be angry”. And if you’re unlucky and he doesn’t have the ability to self control his emotions, he might throw something, or strike you, or hit something or punch the wall/door/sofa. Just like little boys throwing a temper tantrum, men are so very able to do the same. You can hardly differentiate between the tantrum of a 5 year old and that of a 35 year old human male. Maybe only the severity of the damage they can cause, but not in the emotions behind it. If I don’t like it, I’ll break it.
Now we come to a very important question; how to deal with this? WOW. Hard decision. Only you know what your man is capable of. Personally, I’d advise you to take a step back and discuss whatever your issue is when he is calmer (we don’t want any damage, right?). Think of it as a “time out”, a few hours or a day or two to calm down and rethink the situation.
After all, boys will be boys. And we love our little boys, so just think of your big boy, as a little boy and you’ll find you’ll be able to love him in spite of the mess you pick up, in spite of the tantrums and pouts, in spite of it all.
Love your big boy unconditionally, the same way you love your little boy, and eventually he’ll outgrow it.