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It happened a few times not that often. I know that the reason for that is related to his worry and confusion regarding changes and new situations such as starting school, but I need your advise for the best way to handle this situation. I talk to him decently and explain that he is a big boy and that shouldn’t happen and sometimes I even threaten him by telling him if it happens again I won’t buy him sweets or toys he likes. It works actually but I need to understand more about this matter to make sure it is normal and nothing serious. Are there any special things that I can do for him especially since he is a bit more sensitive and emotional? Omneya Youssef, Senior Ad-Hoc Research Manager

Dear Omneya, separating from mom and dad, being in a group, getting used to the variety of stimulating choices, all of these can be difficult adjustments for young children. It’s natural for children to be concerned about starting new experiences; your child is reacting strongly, due to some change that is causing him some insecurity.

By nature he is a cautious little person, and he is being too pressured to be socially interactive. What you are seeing may well reflect your child’s temperament which is partly genetic, thus, very shy children are cautious and they are much slower in adapting to the new.

Here are some points to be put into consideration, and that would help you to get on the right track:

·        Recognize that your child is having a difficult time and needs your compassion.

·        Learn your child’s temperament by being a good detective and closely watching for reactions to the new, if your child is one who needs more time to adjust, be sensitive to this quality.  

·        Be respectful of your child’s temperament style and his individual differences If he needs more time to warm up to new situations or people, so be it.

·        Do not force your child beyond his comfort levels. Some children will always be more cautious than others. They will take, and need, more time to get used to new situations.

·        Break down challenges, divide transitions into smaller steps.

·        The more you can create simple experiences of pleasure together, the less will your shy child have to worry about being pressured to engage in a direct social relationship.

·        Gently keep on introducing new experiences, and new acquaintances, your gentle persistence and matter-of-fact acceptance will encourage your child to try new adventures and interactions with new people.  

·        Project confidence in your child, Let him know you’re confident that he can adjust and put up with some discomfort without collapsing.

·        Shape good behaviour, pay more attention to your child’s more mature behaviors “Parents usually criticize their children by giving them feedback that is exactly the opposite of what they desire”, Make a point of telling your child how positive and appealing such grown-up behavior is.

If we look under the surface of our children’s behavior, at how they might be feeling, we are often in a better position to get things back on track. How you nurture that talent is by looking deep inside, and understanding where the child’s behavior is coming from and seeing the pain behind the problem. You should always look for what is really going on, try "breaking the code" of your child behavior.

Remember, no child love punishment, you should just focus on real feelings, like sadness, loneliness or shame, not things such as "I need to drive Mommy crazy." Be aware that some methods that might seem to work for a short time especially at this age won’t necessarily be effective after a while and might turn into a real emotional problem that would then need medical advice.

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