After the honeymoon period and the congratulants visits fade out reality fades in. You are both finally alone at home settling in. A vase moves from here to there, some photographs are put in frames that came as gifts and the pizza delivery guy is at the door. Life couldn’t be any better.
“Finding a way to verbally express what each partner should do or which chores are split in which manner is essential to be able to create your own couple clock.”
A few weeks later you realize that the laundry has piled high, the budget is drained from the take out food and the first human resources and operations decisions have to be made. This is usually the first trap a couple falls in, namely the lack of a daily routine in which both partners have certain expectations towards the other. Once these are failed tension is predestined. Finding a way to verbally express what each partner should do or which chores are split in which manner is essential to be able to create your own couple clock. There is no recipe, the both of you have to find your own system by trial and error and most important: communication and I mean VERBAL communication! Say clearly what you mean. That mind reading thing does not really work.
While in the finding-the-couple-clock-phase you will need to face another important aspect: tolerance! Toilet seats that just are not put back down, open tooth paste caps, fighting over the remote control and other cute habits are standard procedure. Counterattacks or freak-shows are surely not a solution or an easy way out, on the contrary. Meeting your partner with a healthy portion of tolerance and patience is crucial until both partners know how to meet in the middle and may be settle for a remote control schedule.
Sharing bed & breakfast
Getting adjusted to another person living so closely to oneself is not an easy task at all. Sharing becomes so absolute, the bed, the blanket, the mirror, the closet, the mind. “I” becomes “we”. The essence of sharing is surely the core of any relationship but to a healthy and reasonable extent. Sharing should not alter into suffocating and a total invasion of privacy. You should respect your partner’s right to time for him and grant yourself that same right. Only two balanced “I’s” make a functioning “we”.
“The most common remark I was told by married men is that the best part of fighting is the make-up sex. Does that mean couples who fight a lot have more fun?”
The most common remark I was told by married men is that the best part of fighting is the make-up sex. Does that mean couples who fight a lot have more fun? I think this is as overrated as decaf coffee. Fighting, when kept in a reasonable frame, is said to be a vigorous device for couple-catharsis. The difference here is that earlier the fights took place on neutral grounds that allowed ending the fight in its peak, slamming the door and just leaving to cool off. Now you are stuck to solve the problem on the spot, face the storm and break the waves. Moreover it is important not to let issues grow out of proportions by making it a rule to make up before going to bed. Nothing leaves a fouler taste in the mouth than pending fights.
Don’t take yourself too serious
Relax and take things easy, I mean Rome wasn’t built in one day either. For any partnership to work a good portion of humor and not taking yourself too seriously is an asset. Take a step back and evaluate if this situation is really worth a freak-show or can’t just be humored away.
That is another main trap that many couples fall into and never make it out. For some apparently Egyptian reason handling In-laws is never an easy task and often met with biased predispositions. “Your mother said this- your mother said that” is a vicious circle and will only backfire like a boomerang and hit you like a sledge hammer eventually. Try embodying the live-and-let-live paradigm and practicing it in all situations.
In many cases strong interference of family members in a marriage is equal to the iceberg that sank the Titanic, and equally fatal. Don’t let your fights, trouble or decisions be as public as the O.J. Simpson trial as this will surely end with blood on the dance floor. The both of you should not hang your dirty laundry in the front yard as private matters should be resolved in private, as the name suggests.
“Don’t let your fights, trouble or decisions be as public as the O.J. Simpson trial as this will surely end with blood on the dance floor.”
There is no secret to success per se you can only work on finding a way that suits and satisfies the both of you. Getting your act together is never easy but totally doable. Creating proper forms of communication between you and your partner is surely a lottery win. Empathy is very important in any form of relationship; always imagine if you were in the shoes of your partner, what would you do then? How would you react? Marriage can only work if both partners realize that they have to shift back a gear and understand the needs and wants of their partner. Marriage is a wonderful thing and if you are as lucky as me you wake up everyday happy to see the sleepy eyes of your husband. Nothing in life that really matters is tailor-made but you can surely adjust it and adjust to it. Good luck!