“I want my kids to be my friends” is a common sentence you will hear among parents. For many parents, what they mean by this statement is that the child needs to be able to tell them certain things and cultivate a specific level of trust. But, at the end of the day, at its core, the relationship is not a “friendship” but rather a “parent-child” relationship.
The biggest mistakes that I have seen parents do when they create this “fake friendship” with their children are the following:
- Parents start saying negative things about the other parent to their children because to them they are friends and so they should gossip together.
- If and when a divorce occurs, the parent who takes custody of the children ends up filling the kid’s heart with hate towards the other parent. This is because they will be openly and mindlessly sharing how they feel towards the other parents with no awareness whatsoever on its effect on the child’s wellbeing.
- The parent will accept many things that the child will do because they are always panicking that if they do not allow the child to do everything, they want in front of them, they will end up doing them behind their back.
With all that being said, modern day parenting never said anything about treating your child as a “friend” and what people need to do instead of labelling their relationship with their children with false labels is to educate themselves about the right and healthy approaches and ways to creating a trusting and loving relationship with their children.
Your child is not your friend
Do not treat your child as a friend
Do not ask your child to treat you as a friend
Please do not tell your child: “I thought we were friends”
You will not only be distorting their image of parenting but also their image of friendship. These are two critical relationships that need healthy definitions, and which require the right boundaries. The boundaries for a parent and a friend are very different. Educate yourselves, educate your children so you can help raise healthy individuals, find friends for yourself and find friends for your children and create the right parent/child relationship.