One thing I have been told over the years is that I never learn from the experiences of those around me, and that I never listen to sound advice. I didn’t listen when I got married, when I got divorced, or when I decided to try out camping. I think people differ, and so do their experiences. So you can’t simply avoid something bad happening to you because you didn’t listen. I am also a firm believer in the trial and error method. Yet, here I am, hypocritically offering advice on what to expect when you’re divorcing.
Divorce is a game changer and setting your expectations is one of the things that can decide if you are really ready to go through with it or not. It is also a process that takes time, and so it’s best to brace yourself.
So what to expect when you are divorcing?
“Threats like “you will regret this!” and “I won’t let you see the kids” are tossed around in what sounds like sheer hatred”
There will be Threats
When feelings are hurt, threats are made. Threats like “you will regret this!” and “I won’t let you see the kids” are tossed around in what sounds like sheer hatred. Find comfort in the fact that most those threats are empty and are just used to scare you into changing your mind. It will take a while, but eventually your ex won’t even care about you to bother threatening you.
Everyone Wants to Hear About it
Divorce is a hot topic that attracts anyone looking for juicy gossip. People will listen compassionately and then go tell the entire world about “poor you”. You don’t have to share the painful details over and over to every friend until the story becomes so ingrained in your head, you actually start feeling worse from retelling the story so many times.
“One day you will be high fiving your friends because you are finally, finally free. And then three hours later, you will spot a happy couple swinging their child in the club and burst into tears”
Happiness and Sadness Come Hand in Hand
Welcome to the world of the emotional rollercoaster. One day you will be high fiving your friends because you are finally, finally free. And then three hours later, you will spot a happy couple swinging their child in the club and burst into tears because that dream is over for you. From personal experience, don’t resist either. Being positive is overrated, but you can never be genuinely happy with all those sad feelings locked up inside. So cry so much you actually bore yourself. It really works wonders.
Parents will Disapprove
Don’t take it personally when they mumble things like how you are less fortunate than their friend’s daughter who has a great husband. They will also try every tactic to make you change your mind. They may scare you, negotiate and beg, even if they know that you are miserable. Then a really funny thing happens when you eventually lick your wounds, get over your misery and find happiness again. They will be very proud of you and pretend that they had always encouraged you to take that decision. And after all the dust has settled, they may even boast about how strong and independent you are.
A Job is Like a New Lover
During separation negotiations it’s rare to find an ex who will still pay the same amount as when you were still married. Some are better than others, but don’t lose sleep over it because you will still need more money and a constant distraction. Dive into work because it takes your mind off what’s going on in your personal life and takes care of you financially. It’s the best kind of lover you can have.
“It’s a great ego boost to feel like you are still desirable, but usually intentions become clear when you start pressing on the breaks”
A Grieving Women is an Easy Target
Just before another meltdown kicks in, he appears out of nowhere offering you a shoulder to cry on. He says the sweetest things you have ever heard. He is charming and everything your ex isn’t. It’s a great ego boost to feel like you are still desirable, but usually intentions become clear when you start pressing on the breaks. And even if he is a nice guy, it really is hard to start a new relationship when you are still an emotional mess. You don’t know how much baggage you’re carrying until you start ruining your next relationship.
May Taher is the Author of When the Honeymoon is over. We are more than proud to have May Taher as a regular columnist on board with us!
