What the Movies Taught Us

 

 

Make belief, la la land, otherwise known as The Movies. In spite of the fact that we know most films are based on fabrications, we tend to believe what we watch in them anyway.Deep down we just want to. Call it escapism if you will.

You know what I mean. Because of the movies, we have more or less come to expect things like the meet cute (you both go for the last piece of clothing item in a store at exactly the same moment; he saves you from a speeding car), the grand romantic gestures (he sends you dozens upon dozens of long stemmed roses in expensive vases with smart, romantic notes, one after the other in a parade of daring affection; he proposes to you at a football stadium in front of everyone there; he confesses his sheer stupidity for hurting you/letting you go through the microphone of a very public and crowded place). Intellectually, you know that chances are slim-to-none for your real-life guy to ever do something like that for you, but the next time you are out on a romantic dinner, you want to find a diamond ring in your dessert, even if it means chipping your expensive dental work. Go figure!

If you still want to pretend you have no idea what I am talking about, some of the following examples might ring a bell, or two, or three. Just read on…

 

You take a risk on love and do an outlandish stunt; you will definitely land the object of your love (Never Been Kissed, Anger Management, Love Actually, Kate and Leopold, Only You)

You take a risk on love and do an outlandish stunt; you will most likely land on your face.

 

Love is all knowing, all seeing; it transcends distance, time, and space (Sleepless in Seattle, The Lake House, Serendipity, Only You, Just Like Heaven)

Love is not on autopilot –it needs direction and guidance.

Cinderella is a real-life character (Pretty Woman, Maid in Manhattan, Pretty in Pink)

Cinderella is a fictitious character

No matter how crazy your wish is, it will eventually come true (Practical Magic, 13 going on 30)

Get real!

The right guy for you is the obvious choice (any romantic comedy)

The right guy for you is NEVER the obvious choice

 

Making out on the beach is very romantic and sexy (From Here to Eternity)

Sand gets everywhere

 

The right guy will notice your brains/ great personality/ kindness, and overcome your weight problem/weird nose/ questionable past (Shallow Hal, Pretty Woman, Penelope)

The right guy will notice your jugs, and will throw back at you your weight problem/ weird nose/ questionable past

 

Only your love really gets you. They see to the core of you and cut through your obnoxiousness/craziness/paranoia. (Both Bridget Jones’s Diaries, Mozart and the whale, French Kiss, Moonstruck)

Only your mother really gets you

The story of the love of your life is an epic tale (Love Story, Shakespeare in Love, The Honest Courtesan aka A Destiny of her Own, The English Patient, Titanic)

The story of the love of your life is lucky to be labeled a tale

Chivalry is not dead (The Holiday, Kate and Leopold, Bridget Jones’ Diary: The Edge of Reason)

Chivalry is dead, and we are having its 100^thmemorial service.

The guy you meet online is going to be the love of your life (You’ve got Mail)

The guy you meet online is going to be the biggest pervert you have come across in your life.

 

You have to kiss about 100 frogs to find your prince (any romantic comedy)

You have to kiss about 100 frogs and you still might not find your prince, or end up with one of the frogs in prince’s skin.

 

Fairytales come to life (The Princess Diaries 1 & 2, Enchanted, While You Were Sleeping, The Lake House, Serendipity)

Fairytales are for bedtime stories

 

When the time comes, you will always have the right words /actions. Everyone will know how great you are. All doubters/ bitches will admire you/ be green with envy (The Devil Wears Prada, The Princess Diaries 1 & 2, Never Been Kissed, Runaway Bride)

Tongue-Tied Syndrome is a villainous disease that comes and goes as it pleases. Coupled with brain farts, they make one feel like they want to curl up and die.

 

You will eventually excel and become number one at what you are competing for/ learning/ building/ managing (Sweet Home Alabama, Bring it On, all dance movies, all competitive sports movies)

There will always be someone else who is a better dancer/ martial artist/ account manager/ singer/ chef than you are.

 

Your pipe dream will materialize into the very successful career/ expensive degree. You will be the toast of the town (Sweet Home Alabama, Legally Blonde, Jerry Maguire, The Last Holiday)

Your pipe dream will most likely never leave the drawing board, and if it does it will most likely fold in no time. At the off chance that your pipe dream does materialize successfully, you will not be the toast of the town.

 

In the time of adversity, the little man rises to the occasion and saves the world/ the day (Poltergeist, Conspiracy Theory, Mars Attacks, The Pelican Brief, The Net)

In the time of adversity, the little man, most probably remains the little man.

 

 

To be continued,