Ever since I became a mother I have been constantly engaged in new kinds of debates; debates that make me question, “Was I wrong in deciding to embrace motherhood?”. I know that sounds mean but it is the truth, or let me say “the ugly truth”. Out of all the crappy conversations I hate about being a mom, one that stands out is the debate on whether a mom should be a stay home or a working mom. This debate simply judges each and every mom, making her, no matter what her circumstances, feel guilty about her life decisions.
Well I am a working mom but not a 9-to-5 one. I work my butt off but not in the traditional way. This is not because am lucky but because I worked incredibly hard to be where I am now. Due to not being a 9-to-5 mom, I have come to be judged by other moms. Those who work full-time on a daily basis consider me a housewife and those who are staying home consider me overly busy and ambitious, so I fall short in every mom’s eyes, each for her own sweet reason. Do I feel guilty? Not at all. I am very confident that I want to be doing something with my life. I sacrifice my own sleeping hours in order to study and improve myself. I kill myself to not only work but stand out in what I do and thank God I am doing well.
However, every time I have to go through the conversation of how well I am taking care of my house and kids, I just feel so upset. Why do I even have to justify to anyone what I am doing? People tell me that with my experience I can make more money being a full-time. I am aware of that, but I want to have energy, actually, a lot of energy for my family. I want to be successful and have a career but I also want to be around them as much as I can be. I don’t need to give these excuses to anyone and neither does any other mom.
In my humble opinion, each one of those moms is making a huge sacrifice either by letting go of all her dreams, which for me is a killer, or by being severely exhausted from being outside her home all day long. Each mom has her priorities and capabilities, which is something so private that none of us should be allowed to judge!
Don’t decide on behalf of any other mom what is ideal for her life, that’s her own personal issue. Don’t be the reason to make a mom feel down just because you are judging her, you never know how much sweat has gone into her standing where she does today.
I really wish that one day I can go to a gathering without people asking me exactly what I do and then deciding if this is fair enough or not. I do what my heart tells me because no one on this earth will love my family as much as I do. Since we can be the change we want to see in the world, let’s begin with ourselves; let’s not judge other moms and maybe one day no one will judge our choices either…