I have several female friends who are emotionally involved or married to “mama’s boys”. What exactly is a “mama’s boy” you ask? Families in this part of the world treat their boys like a little prince. His wishes are commands for the whole family especially if he is the only boy among female siblings. Luckily, I wasn’t raised a mama’s boy; maybe because I have another brother or my Mum and Dad did not believe in the “little prince” treatment. I like to think I turned up to be a totally independent person. I can cook, clean the house, iron, you name it. If I’m perfectly honest I hated this as a child growing up and always asked why my Mum would force me to help with various household chores? Well, in hindsight, I really appreciate it a lot because I can do it all and I don’t need to depend on anyone to run my day-to-day life.
By the way, that does not mean I still do the cleaning, thank God I can afford having household help to take care of these mundane chores. I have a number of “mama’s boys” friends. One of them proudly told me of how he used to have his breakfast in bed everyday.
“Mama’s boys do not only exist among the higher socio-economical classes. The mama’s boy syndrome exists, nay flourishes all the way down the socio-economic ladder.”
Once he would get up he would call his mum out loud asking for breakfast. He refused to be served by the household help. He insisted that his “Mummy” should personally serve him breakfast. Another “mama’s boy” friend of mine used to call his Mum on his way home during summer time and have her switch on the air conditioning in his room before his arrival home and have his favorite fresh juice prepared and ready for him to enjoy upon entering his home.
Extreme you might think. This treatment is only reserved for the wealthy you might think – But NO! Mama’s boys do not only exist among the higher socio-economical classes. The mama’s boy syndrome exists, nay flourishes all the way down the socio-economic ladder. The scenarios and examples may differ somewhat but the mama’s boys still exist!
I know a girl who worked with me and is spending half of her small salary on paying loan installments for her brother to buy an apartment to get married even though she is still single and desperately needs to save up for her yet to come wedding. When I asked her why she was doing this, she told me that her mom insisted she do so to help her brother get married and have a family!
The stories are endless and I’m sure you have come across a few gems or more of your own.
So back to our question, should you marry a mama’s boy?
I know many of you have already met this type of boy and many more of you have gotten emotionally involved and have even taken the step toward getting married or engaged to one of them hoping that you could change him into the responsible, caring man you look for in a husband and father of your future children. But do you really think you can change a mama’s boy? And why would you possibly think you would be able to change a mama’s boy? His mum is still around and she is certainly not willing to stop pampering her “prince”. Many parents are very selfish and dread the thought of letting their son go. Their own existence and identity as parents depend on their son’s dependence on them. They don’t want to let go or to teach him how to be independent.
As for your mama’s boy who you think has great potential to become the independent responsible gentleman you deserve, well he frankly has no reason or interest in being independent. Let’s be honest here, if you were brought up pampered and treated like a prince for as far back as you can remember; why would you ever want that to change?
“Many parents are very selfish and dread the thought of letting their son go. Their own existence and identity as parents depend on their son’s dependence on them. They don’t want to let go or to teach him how to be independent.”
So the girl decides, I will go on with this relationship and I will turn this mama’s boy into not just a man but actually a responsible gentleman. Her first enemy will almost always be her potential mother-in-law. I kind you not ladies, this will not be an easy battle. I’ve seen many tough women crumble in the crunch! The girl tries to replace her mama’s boy’s mom by making him more dependent on her. The strategy is to get the mom completely out of the picture. I have a friend of mine who, even though he used to live by himself, used to send his laundry to his mom. Once he started dating his girlfriend steadily, the girl engaged herself in battle against the mom over the mama’s boy’s laundry of all things! Some of you might find this silly but I kid you not, this is a true story. I really found it so amusing watching this silly battle from the sidelines – all the time knowing who the ultimate winner in all of this would be. The winner of course is the mama’s boy.
Once the girl gets married to the boy, having somehow gotten past the petty mother rivalries, she, full of hope and anticipation, expects him to want to take over the responsibility of the family. What she finds however is that the boy is neither willing nor ready to do so. He is of course expecting the same royal treatment his mama grew him accustomed to and there begins the collision course. He does not want any responsibility and wants the girl to take care of him and let him be as his mama used to do. The girl, sadly disappointed and dejected starts to complain and argue with the boy in an attempt to have her needs satisfied.
She will not find any support from his family and most likely hers would only make things worse should they interfere. As for the boy he does not understand what all the fuss is all about. The tragedy is completed when the girl gets pregnant within just months of marriage and suddenly an innocent creature enters the messy world of mama’s boy turned father. As you all know, most of these marriages end in divorce or a marriage of bitterness, which in my opinion can be much worse for a child than divorce.
“He is of course expecting the same royal treatment his mama grew him accustomed to and there begins the collision course. He does not want any responsibility and wants the girl to take care of him and let him be as his mama used to do.”
So ladies, what do you think? Should you marry a mama’s boy with the hopes of changing him into a responsible gentleman because you think you can? Koossy says don’t even bother trying and even if you think you are the single tough woman out there capable of making the impossible somehow possible and are willing to take the risk; please don’t get pregnant too soon – the world does not need another baby born into a bitter marriage or end up in a divorced household.
Mohamed El Koossy, our new guest columnist wears many hats: in addition to being the Managing Director of Active PR & Marketing Communications, El Koossy is a TV host and an activist for under privileged children in our society. “Koossy Says…” is our new witty male outlook on What Women Want…!