Dina woke up in the morning feeling totally lazy in her bed. "What time is it anyways?" she thought. "I think I’ll just doze off a little bit more." Dina stretched her arms when all of a sudden she saw that someone was actually lying beside her. For a second there, she couldn’t understand what was going on, when suddenly she remembered…"I got married yesterday, and that is my husband!!" Dina rushed out of bed, locked herself in the bathroom and called her mom crying "mom…I want to go home!"
The opening of Ani DiFranco’s song "wishing and hoping, and thinking and praying, planning and dreaming" perfectly describes almost all brides’ pre-wedding jitters. They go through every single detail over and over again exploring possibilities and options and meticulously organizing the big day. Whether they end up locking themselves in the bathroom on their honeymoon crying or not, more and more brides are suffering from a condition known as Post Wedding Blues (PWB). That being said out-loud, we thought we’d give our newly weds and brides-to-be a little heads-up to let them know they’re not alone.
The Facts:
When you spend such a long time looking forward to something, and waiting patiently for it, your Adrenaline levels rise and your brain chemicals send different feeling combined to make you feel excited. Every time, you go to an outing with your fiancé and people compliment you on an upcoming wedding, makes you feel like the star among them. Your family and friends call more often, asking whether you need any help, and give you lots of ideas and tips. You go shopping, and buy almost everything you wish for, and money is not a big obstacle since all the family finances are now dedicated to you and your wishes. You spend a wonderful time inviting people, placing orders, and traveling and everywhere you go with your groom visit grants you the VIP treatment.
The Downside:
Now, when you go back from you’re honeymoon, you start going back to rather less exciting life than it was a couple of months ago. Whether you’re a working woman, or now a home-maker, new tasks arise and old habits get on the way. You find yourself surrounded by new responsibilities, that previously most of them were dumped on your mom’s shoulders. As if that is not enough, but you also have this person with all his good and bad habits walking around sharing your every space. These mixed feelings are a result of changes in your Adrenaline level, now back to normal, and may result into some unpleasant symptoms like crying and feeling blue.
The Good News:
You are not alone (almost all newly weds have things feeling some way or the other including men!!)
You are not crazy (physical changes affect your emotions)
You are not spoiled (no matter what some people may think)
You are perfectly normal
And, you can overcome this…
What you can do:
- Talk it out: Don’t suppress your feelings and keep them to yourself so that you pretend that everything is O.K. Everyone who has been married, would understand how you feel, and even probably relate to it. Talk to you mom, sister, or friend about it. You should also talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. You will be surprised that he might even have similar thoughts.
- Take it easy: Try not to overwhelm yourself by getting back to work right away after the honeymoon. If possible, schedule that day to be 4 days or even a week after you return to give yourself time to unpack and settle down to a routine.
- Ask for help: Many brides go back to stay a month or so with their parents or in-laws before they go to their own house. As helpful as this might be at the beginning, you should know that the more you spend time away from your home, the harder it becomes when you come back. It will take you more time to settle if you got used to someone attending to your every need like they used to. However, ask your mom or a friend to help you with the housework. Maybe they can come show you the best ways to go about the cooking, laundry, and cleaning and how to organize them during the week. Also your husband can help you with doing some stuff around the house when available.
- Review your wedding details: Look at your wedding photos, and video. Make a wedding scrapbook, and show it to everyone who comes to visit. Ask people what they liked best about the day, and let them tell you the inside stories that you missed.
- Visit your team: Pay a visit to your wedding team. Go to your hairdresser, make-up artist, tailor, and decoration specialist and give them a nice photo of you and your groom with them. If you can’t find time to go, simply call them for a quick than you.
- Take a break…Give a break: Schedule a time for yourself to do something you like away from your husband. Go for a girls’ night out, learn something new, or simply go visit your parents and stay in your room for a while. Let your husband do the same.
- Know what to expect: Have an intimate chat with your husband about your future. Let him tell you what he expects from you and you tell him what you expect from him. When you set realistic goals for yourselves, the transition becomes much smoother.
The Conclusion:
Do not stress yourself about whether or not you will have the Post-Wedding Blues. Instead, enjoy every moment before and after your wedding and honeymoon, and know that people are different. Nonetheless, if you find yourself having the blues, simply remember that it won’t last forever, and the fun comes in many forms throughout your life so …ENJOY IT!!
