You fell in love with your subordinate. You’re probably like every other working woman who is dedicated and hard working. In fact, your commitment to work makes it impossible to meet anyone outside of work. You’re probably not just a 9 to 5 employee, you’re that successful woman who works extra hours, weekends, and is trying to get ahead and do well. You know what that makes you? Sexy! Men love women who are confident and focused with interests and areas of expertise. Who wouldn’t? Think about it. It goes both ways. Women love men like that, too, and what simpler place to meet them than at work?
Women have entered the professional world in Egypt a while back, and the idea of a female boss is still being digested by both women and men. It is has been socially and professionally acceptable for a while for men to be bosses, leaders, managers and government officials. Meanwhile, whether society is still digesting the thought or has already come to accept it, there are many women out there in leading positions and one of those women is probably you!
“Being married to a woman with a real career is an ongoing effort that takes men from their usual comfort zone.”
Being married to a woman with a real career is an ongoing effort that takes men from their usual comfort zone. They need to get used to having their phone calls rejected because you are in a meeting, being put on hold because you have another call or accepting that there are strange men they don’t know calling you after hours to inquire about a work-related issue. So, what if your husband is not only adapting to you being a working woman who has a career, but also happens to be your subordinate?
I posted this query on Twitter to see this from a man’s perspective so as to become objective to seeing both sides of the story. The responses I got were as follows:
I will probably kill myself.
Something like this will mess up the concept of “who wears the pants” in the relationship.
If she acts like a good boss, good for me. If she acts like a bad boss, I will give her a hard time at home!
No way would I ever marry a woman who sits higher than me in the career hierarchy!
“This will definitely be difficult if the two of you did not decide on drawing a clear boundary between what happens at the office and what happens at home.”
Other responses have been variations of the above. So it appears that men are more likely to be against this! It may be a challenging situation, not only for the man, but also for the woman herself. Because it is important for you to make sure that you are preserving the respect and the relationship’s do’s and don’ts that you have agreed about with your husband. This will definitely be difficult if the two of you did not decide on drawing a clear boundary between what happens at the office and what happens at home. Neither affects the other, and you maintain a professional relationship in which you don’t mention your personal problems or act upon your marriage challenges at work.
“If you need to communicate something personal to your husband, use your cellular phone or wait until office hours or over. You don’t want to be caught with your pants down, so to speak!”
There are, of course, some tips that can help in overcoming this dilemma:
Avoid Office Communication:
Most companies and corporations reserve the right to access and read all forms of office communication, including e-mail and faxes. If you need to communicate something personal to your husband, use your cellular phone or wait until office hours or over. You don’t want to be caught with your pants down, so to speak!
Leave it at Home: Whatever you do, don’t bring your relationship into the office. This includes discussing your relationship with other coworkers, engaging in public displays of affection and flaunting your love in front of the rest of the office. You should behave professionally at work.
“Even when tension is high, however, resist the urge to quarrel at work or you might be out of a job.”
Don’t Fight at Work: Even the strongest of marriages have rocky periods during which all you want to do is fight with your husband or punch him in the face! Even when tension is high, however, resist the urge to quarrel at work or you might be out of a job. This is especially true if your arguments get in the way of productivity.
Agree on rules: It’s often helpful to lay down some rules that you and your husband will honor, whilst at work. These should be to protect both of your jobs and productivity. These rules could control how you will both arrive and leave the office, or how you will both react if you’re in a professional situation together. It is well worth establishing do’s and don’ts to avoid embarrassment later.
Don’t Boast: Your husband may be handsome and super sexy, and you may be so pumped up that you’ve got a hot life with your husband, but keep your feelings to yourself and your friends outside of work. This is a great time to start practicing certain boundaries. Work gossip is inevitable. Practice good behavior by keeping the water cooler talk to work and the weather.
“Don’t overthink it and assume that colleagues will start making assumptions on who has the upper hand and who has the lower hand in the relationship!”
The most important thing is to be cool about it! Don’t overthink it and assume that colleagues will start making assumptions on who has the upper hand and who has the lower hand in the relationship! There are so many women out there in leading positions and they are managing men working in similar careers just like their own husbands and maybe men that are even older and more successful than their spouses! Make peace with this notion and learn that a relationship is about the rules that you set for each other regardless where you apply them. And remember, nothing will stand in your way of being happy but yourself!
Regina Inani
HR Manager
Twitter: @GinaInani