The friendzone has been the basis of many jokes, memes and even movies since the 1994 Friends episode “The One with the Blackout”. People tend to dread the friendzone and many even end friendships in fear of being stuck in it.
However, I believe we should abandon the notion that friendships are inferior to romantic relationships. People view romantic relationships to be above all else. Some think of friendships as only a way to get to that point of being in a romantic relationship. People do not find friendships to be of value if they cannot find the other person attractive or see them as a potential partner. We all know that platonic friendships are possible and that they exist, we just don’t want them.
Nevertheless, we find many instances where we leave the obviously right guy and go for the one who will try to change our every perspective. A girl might have feelings for a perfect guy for her, but will instead go for the wanderer who will make her feel bad for caring about him. It will feel thrilling and exciting to have the bad guy fall for you. Not only that, but you will be the girl who made him settle down. I’m not talking about the stereotypical bad guy; I’m talking about a guy who just isn’t right for you. We usually obsess over guys who do us no good, just for the sake of knowing that we’ll be the ones who changed them.
The aforementioned type of guy will most likely act nonchalant throughout the relationship. The same relationship that you’d be pouring your all into, he won’t even try to remember when your first date was. You will make up excuses for every bad thing he says or does, but you’ll only be fooling yourself. Everyone else can see how bad of a fit this is, except you. So eventually, it all comes down to us, seeking the uncertainty that simulates dopamine and excitement in our brains, so we stay hooked.
Relationships should not be based on an unhealthy obsession. At one point or another, you will love a guy who will probably drag your self-esteem through the mud, then say you never had one to begin with. You still won’t leave him, all for the sake of love and the fairytale-like story.
Drop the search for a rom-com like story. Don’t go breaking your heart for guys who go hot and cold for no reason. If you’re putting the nice guy on hold just because the story doesn’t seem interesting enough, then you’re doing yourself wrong.
Your friend won’t necessarily be the one you fall in love with, but it definitely won’t be the other guy who brings you down. If you and your friend both happen to have mutual feelings for each other, it shouldn’t be hard to figure out the rest. If unfortunately you don’t share the same feelings, know that you should not feel guilty in any way for saying no. You can’t force your way into love.
Manar Zakaria hopes to smash the patriarchy, and fight misogyny with a perfect bejeweled nail-polished hand. And yes, she thinks your sexist jokes are boring.
Super excellent article.. I hope we wakeup 🙂