Baby it’s cold outside. So cold, that we can’t help but put on layers upon layers of clothing to stay warm. We know it’s not the sexiest, but we’ve stopped caring. That wouldn’t have been the case had we been sexy newlyweds. In fact, an Egyptian woman’s choice of pajamas changes dramatically as more years pass since the day of her wedding.
1st Year: The Sexy Phase
At that point of our lives, when we’ve just been recently married, we don’t care about our comfort. Comfort be damned; we want to be sexy! We don’t care about our freezing toes and goosebump-infested skin.
2nd Year: The “I want to be Sexy, but I also don’t like Pneumonia” Phase
During that time, you’re well aware of the fact that when you don’t cover up when it’s cold, bad things happen. You also want to look pretty at all times. So you resort to all sorts of ploys to make yourself seem sexy despite you being covered from head to toe.
3rd Year: The “I’m barely trying” Phase
At that point, you are still trying to look nice, but you’ve clearly stopped caring that much. You shop for the cutest, yet most comfortable pajamas, in order to preserve some sense of cuteness to yourself. You, however, don’t care enough to brush your hair, put on any makeup, or take off your socks and/or let go of your hot water bottle.
4th Year: the “I’ll Try to be Cute One Last time” Phase
Since normal pajamas won’t cut it anymore, you try extra hard to get cute pajamas that are extra warm, fluffy and comfortable. When all else fails, you go for the onesie!
5th Year: the First time you Give up
At that point, you know your husband loves you no matter what. You also know that you’re exhausted, and that it’s 5 degrees outside, and you want to get under as many covers as possible, preferably while wearing a fluffy robe. This phase in your marriage is when your husband first sees your true colors, and when his love for you is tested for the first time. He’ll either fetch you a hot chocolate and your hot water bottle, or will be extremely concerned about your transformation.
6th Year: The Phase in which Your Body Shows its True Form
Isn’t that the case whenever anyone gets pregnant? Your body just shows you, and your husband, who’s boss. You expand, you change, you get cranky and the cold stops bothering you, because your entire body is working like a furnace!
7th Year: When your Body is Still in Recovery Mode
At this point, you’re no longer carrying another person, but your body hasn’t recovered from its trauma. It has expanded beyond your comprehension, and your clothes no longer embarrass you only when it’s too cold; they embarrass you all the time.
8th Year: When You Take your True Form
You are no longer a cute newlywed, you’re not a bride, and you’re not a film star. You are tired. And you know your husband won’t judge. So you put on everything in your closet and enjoy the warmth.