Featured Image: Shutterstock/ Annette Shaff
With so many people of this generation getting married, people are starting to get more insight into what happens behind closed doors. Something we all hear a lot is women complaining that their husbands aren’t as attentive at they used to be when they were dating or engaged. This kind of woman will tell you that her husband doesn’t really see her anymore and he doesn’t flirt!
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We try to get to the bottom of this and understand the reason behind this change in behavior after marriage. We talk to Dana Sarhan, MSC. Couples and Sex Psychotherapist and Dr. Georgette Savvides, Psychologist, in hopes of getting answer to this.
“There just isn’t space between them anymore, so they don’t find the need to ‘walk’ towards the other”, Dana Sarhan
The first and most common answer is that men get very comfortable, and with that they just don’t put in as much effort as they used to when they were dating, “it’s mainly the routine that causes this, there just isn’t space between them anymore, so they don’t find the need to ‘walk’ towards the other”, Dana says. Basically, some men don’t feel the need to keep entertaining their partners anymore, “we at times get too comfortable in a marriage and we assume that we do not need to keep the other party interested”, Dr. Savvides says.
“we at times get too comfortable in a marriage and we assume that we do not need to keep the other party interested”, Dr. Georgette Savvides
It usually has nothing to do with you personally, you’re probably just as beautiful as you were before marriage and it’s not because you gained two kilos. Still, some women are sensitive to such gestures, and when they stop, they start questioning themselves, “women are quite sensitive by nature, taking things personally is the immediate reaction to the lack of attention. I would first tell them to revisit their relationship and evaluate its status”, Dr. Savvides says. A woman should know that this has nothing to do with her looks, “it’s what’s going on in the household that matters, and also how good the woman feels about herself, this attracts a man”, Dana says.
“women are quite sensitive by nature, taking things personally is the immediate reaction to the lack of attention”, Dr. Georgette Savvides
The solution to this issue is simple as long as you catch it early on before it becomes a major issue in the relationship. This isn’t as difficult as it may seem, “first of all, the woman has to rely on herself to be happy. Focus on yourself and your activities, sometimes recalling you are a woman and you need to let him do the chase is all what takes”, Dr. Savvides tells. Since people deal with things differently, there are also more engaging solutions, “change the routine and spice things up by planning a trip, changing your look, planning a romantic dinner. Or have an open discussion with him and exchange ideas on how to best spend quality time again together”, Dr. Savvides explains.
“Of course there are some adjustments you can do, but it takes two to tango”, Dana Sarhan
This isn’t all. There is also communication, which is extremely important in a long-term relationship. This can be the key to solving this problem, “sit and have a serious talk about the issue, talk openly about what is bothering you. I have noticed that people in Egypt don’t communicate when it comes to certain topics. Of course there are some adjustments you can do, but it takes two to tango”, Dana concludes.
Sounds so simple but you can do all of these things and men will revert right back to their routine once the novelty of whatever magic trick you’ve done wears off. It just doesn’t come naturally to most. I find myself jealous of wives that have husbands that love to flirt, who naturally inclined to be playful. I’ve maintained my looks and flirt like there’s no tomorrow. Tell him how attracted I am over and over. Nothing. Does no good. So you eventually just learn to live with the fact that not only will you not get sex outside of birthdays and anniversaries but you can’t even rely on an occasional wink or tap on the rear.
People wonder why spouses cheat? It’s just wrong to expect one spouse to continually not have their needs meet in and out of bed when it comes to attraction. While not a justification, cheating certainly opens up the possibility that you might just be able to stay married to someone you love who has no interest in all things related to sex or playfulness. You can rely on someone else meeting those needs while maintaining a marriage that fills all other needs. Sounds horrible but it’s auite simple really.