When men tell women their problems and their issues at work, their commitment fears, their health woes, problems with their ex-girlfriend, and the list goes on, they are trying to distance themselves from you, not get closer.
If you exclusive with a man, engaged or married you will naturally hear about his problems and its fair to say you will be a support to your man. But what we are talking about today is when you just starting to date a man (in the beginning three to six months) or are just friends or acquaintances and hoping he will ask you out.
In this case you cannot be his “therapist” or his warm comfort blanket. You cannot get together with him to “talk” about his issues, you cannot call him on the phone and have two hour long conversations about why he is feeling down, and you definitely cannot keep asking him more and more questions about his issues.
Why?
His attraction for you will go down, not up. He won’t know why he’s feeling less attracted to you, but you know this is the reason.
He will dish out more of his issues, more bad news, more man mish mash for you to listen to, and let’s face it, who has time for that?!
He will soon look for a woman with a full, busy life who has neither the time nor the inclination to listen to his problems.
You will be placed in the “girl bud” category.
So what do you do when a man starts up with his complaints, his problems, his issues with his ex girlfriend?
Yawn, look out the window. Excuse yourself and go to the restroom. Stay gone for a while. Whip out your cell phone and tell him you have to make an important call. Reapply your lipstick. Change the topic to something else by saying something like, “Hey, have you seen that new movie?” You get the point. Withdraw your attention and change the subject or get up and leave for a few minutes. You want him to get the message that when he talks like this, your mind starts to wander. You don’t find any of his “talk” interesting.
Initially he may feel annoyed, but then he will light up (men are wired differently than women). His estimation of you will go up, not down. He will suddenly feel more attracted to you and not know why. He is longing for the dream girl response. The response that makes his heart race and his palms sweaty. Don’t deny him this.
Remember, whatever you give attention to (even negative attention), you will get more of. The key is to withdraw your attention when you don’t like something. This technique is very effective in changing undesirable behavior.
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Nancy The Dating Diva is a dating and relationship coach and author of A Dream Girl’s Spiritual & Practical Guide to Marrying Mr. Right. Check out http://NancyTheDatingDiva.com to subscribe to her free dating newsletter with dating tips, Q&As and videos delivered to your inbox weekly.