Freedom is not the act of having no commitments; it is about having the freedom to decide your own commitments.
I am not sure why for some people having children is both amazing and right! I want to be nice. I want to be one of these girls who would play with a random child in the supermarket, and get goosebumps when this kid smiles! But the truth is: I don’t give a damn! This “natural” motherly attitude towards anything that is small and cute is not in my blood! Having children is a very personal decision; but in our culture it is a decision that somehow you make with the whole world watching!
We have a timeline for everything! For example, a normal engagement would last a year. A normal time to wait till you have kids after you get married is another year; a normal time to lapse between siblings is two to three years. Why? What’s with the goddamned ticking clock and peer pressure? Why is it that once your first child stops peeing all over your favorite carpet, and finally has a decent food and sleep routine, you must have your second child? This feels like, I am done with the first three to six movie screening, and now I have to watch the six to nine movie screening right away.No breaks? Hey, I still have an agenda for myself, people!
You see, I respect every person’s decision to have as many children as they want, or to have no children at all.No judgment. No biological clocks to think of.No family pressure of the,“I want to see my grand kids”type, or, “have all the children early so that you can move on with your life!” kind of crappy conversation! Why are we in a rush? A child is to be enjoyed, given all the time needed.You got married at twenty-one,and by thirty you havehad three kids –andthat’s amazing,buthave you stopped and done something important for yourselftoo?
When my daughter turned two, it was like the world started looking at me with a grumpy meme, asking me, when are you having the next one? I never had an answer to that. I have no idea what I am eating today for lunch, and I was barely able to figure out what to wear towork today! The fact that I am approaching my mid-thirties has no impact on my ability to strongly plan ahead like I am some kind of an all-knowing goddess! But the question that kept popping in my head is, “why two?”
What if I choose to have one child or three children, why is one too fewand three too many? If they are not eating your food, or sleeping in your bed or going to school with money that you gifted me, why,then, do my birth plans have to make sense to you? What do you know about my individual perception of pregnancy, childbirth and mothering to tell me how many kids I should have and when? Do you want me to return the favor and tell you what I think of your sleek, internationalschool-branded, airhead children? No? I thought so too!
We –mothers– should never need to justify our decisions; never request society’s validation.Family planning is about you and your partner. It is about your personal abilities and state of mind. It is about the wellness and happiness of your family; beit small or big. Have many children or have none.Just remember that maturity, trust and happiness are the foundations of a strong marriage –notchildren! Children are an outcome, not a factor.