As we all know, sex is more than just a physical act between two people, it is something which regardless of if you are deeply in love with the other person or not, involves some level of emotional connection. As the emotions involved in marriage are different to those outside of marriage, it makes sense that the sexual experiences differ significantly as well. In Egypt, the idea of marital sex, however, is laced with negative stereotypes, terrifying young people on the brink of making a lifelong commitment. But many of these fears are exaggerated or can be avoided.
A relationship is an emotional journey; so it wouldn’t make sense for it to begin at the destination. One of the joys of marital sex or sex in long-term relationships is the idea that you have endless time and opportunity, so you can really take your time to properly get to know someone’s likes and dislikes. There is a level of emotional intimacy and trust that is not often present with non-marital sex – which impacts significantly on the physical act. This means that every new experience is shared; it is not about the individual, it is about embarking on the journey together.
Cold chills in the bedroom:
Now this all sounds very magical, as if it is a linear journey towards sexual paradise, which of course is unlikely to be the case. Yes you might experience a ‘honeymoon period’ where the excitement of a new sexual relationship is wonderfully overwhelming and you feel that you can’t keep your hands off each other, and it is likely that this level of initial excitement might fade. And it might be true that most married couples go through periods of sexual lulls, where they have other things on their mind and sex seems to be forgotten. And, because you share your emotions and your problems, any negative events in your life are likely to affect sex in a more significant way than it would with a more casual sexual partner. Money problems, job stress and family issues can impact your emotional wellbeing and dynamics with your partner and therefore impact on your relationship in the bedroom.
Relighting that Fire:
If you feel any of this, don’t panic, it is completely normal! Like any journey, there are ups and downs, and a period of low libido does not necessarily represent a slow decline into the realms of celibacy as many fear. There are many ways of continuing to develop and improve your sexual relationship with your partner. One of the key things is to stay open to exploring your partner’s pleasure. It is never possible to know everything about someone and what people enjoy can change with time, so the same routine of ticking the sexual boxes is limiting. Be responsive to their enjoyment and encourage them to do the same. If you both feel like the other really cares about your satisfaction, it preserves the feeling of closeness that some married couples feel that they lose.
In order to do this, you have to prioritise alone time. When children come along, priorities change, you have other people to focus on and your sex life often gets pushed to the bottom of a long list of things to focus on. But making time for each other is essential to keep your sex life alive. Even just the act of pushing everything else aside for one evening to focus on each other is sexy. Lingerie and silk sheets never lose their allure, and making an effort is often highly appreciated and can be highly rewarded in the bedroom. You don’t have to go as far as dress up and role play, but if you are feeling comfortable and creative, why not?
But most importantly, focus on remembering the good that the emotional intimacy brings. Because, no matter how sexually satisfied single people might be, it is this emotional intimacy that they so often lack and this idea of a joint journey of experiences that they miss out on.
As a friend on the brink of marriage said to me, “sex in marriage is a flower, you watch it grow together”, and all it needs is some love and attention to keep it growing.