Every girl has experienced some kind of breakup, whether the relationship was official or not, and every breakup process involves some phases of grief. It’s important to understand that what’s happening to your heart, mind and body is normal. What’s not normal is to stay stuck in a state of sadness.
Outlined below are the 5 stages girls go through after getting dumped, and how to get through this difficult time:
Phase #1: Initial Shock, Denial and Despair
The first stage in any breakup is the denial and despair phase. You are in shock and you keep asking yourself, “Is it really happening?” The answer you tell yourself in this phase is always, “No! It’s just temporary and we will get back together!” You try to postpone your grief because you are not currently equipped to acknowledge that there is anything to grieve about. Life without your ex is too unfathomable, so you don’t believe it.
Talk to your family and friends about your breakup. The more you talk about it, the more real it will become and the less time you will take to process it and let go of the past. Also, keep telling yourself “Girl, this is really happening!”
Phase #2: Facing the Ugly Truth
Since there is nothing you can do about the breakup, you will soon be ready to go through this phase and admit that you are no longer together. You live and go about your days without him calling to check on you and ask about your day. At first, you will miss those calls, but after some time, you will get used to living your life by your own rules. Being in a relationship has its advantages of course, but doing things your own way has its benefits too.
Distracting yourself with work or with something you love to do (maybe a hobby) or even trying to discover yourself more is the key to getting you through this phase. Just be positive and forget your memories with him; it will take some time but it will come.
Phase #3: The Anger phase
The anger phase in a breakup takes many forms; either you are angry at yourself or your ex, or maybe even both. You can blame yourself and think. “You got what you deserve” or “You are not good enough” or even go as far as thinking you are ugly, stupid, fat, etc. There are endless reasons for self-blame. Know that this is normal, especially if you were underestimating yourself.
You may also be angry at your ex for the demise of your relationship and may keep wondering how and why he did that to you, and maybe you will write a mean and hateful letter to him. This is actually a healthy way of reclaiming your independence and rebuilding your self-worth.
However, in both cases, blame is unproductive and no matter who is to blame, this won’t change the fact that your relationship is over.
This phase is normal. We all feel angry when something important in our lives doesn’t happen the way we want and we are left to deal with the anger inside. You can surround yourself with family, friends and people who love, value and support you for who you are. By then, you will value yourself more, your self-esteem will skyrocket, and you will feel worth loving again.
Phase #4: The Ups and Downs
This is the longest phase of them all. Some days you will wake up feeling you are over him, but other days you will miss him and want to call and check on him. This happens because he was a part of your daily routine; so please don’t call or get in touch again since it will only make it worse for you.
Just hold on and try to engage yourself in anything to force yourself not to think about him. That feeling of missing him will fade and eventually you will forget all about this relationship, which will lead to your full recovery.
Phase #5: Total Recovery
Finally, in this phase, you will make peace with your loss and accept it. After giving yourself time and allowing yourself to heal and to process the break up, you will feel like a new version of you; a strong woman who is open to love in a real way. You become a person who can create a lasting and loving relationship; a girl who is not willing to repeat the same mistakes again. You become self-confident and you value herself more. You believe that, without this relationship, you wouldn’t be this person you are today.
Of course it is a hard journey, but it has many benefits. By now, you have learnt to give yourself enough time to build your next relationship. You are a more mature, understanding and self-confident person who is worth loving, but this time with the right person.
Girls, please mourn. Grieving is an integral part of the healing process. Do not start making drastic changes and acting out of character to deal with the feelings of hurt. This will only make it worse and will leave you lonely, empty and not yourself.
There is no timeline for the healing process, but rest assured that one day, you will move on; just give yourself the time to work through your emotional journey.