Real Men don’t Leave their Wives when they get Cancer! On the Hardships Women Face after the Diagnosis

Real Men don’t Leave their Wives when they get Cancer! On the Hardships Women Face after the Diagnosis

 

I want to speak about the women in my country who happen to get sick. My perspective will be based on my own personal experience of touching some other cases which I have personally been in contact with throughout my five years of treatment. Cancer… such a mean disease, isn’t it? You know what is meaner than cancer? Men who abandon their women when they get cancer. It’s not a secret anymore that when a woman gets cancer in Egypt, there is a good chance that her husband will divorce her. And let’s please note that our society does not shame the guy at all about this. After all, she is no longer able to “fulfill his needs” nor take care of him or the house, so why keep her? Can you believe the amount of heartache and anguish a woman feels when she gets abandoned this way, in this hardship? It’s more likely to kill her a million times before the cancer will ever do, and there is no exaggeration in that, not a single bit.

“It’s not a secret anymore that when a woman gets cancer in Egypt, there is a good chance that her husband will divorce her”

There is no justification for why a man would leave his woman when he knows she has cancer. There is no justification why our society will not shame him forever or even blame him. In fact, people’s reaction to this usually is; “what can he do for her? She is dead anyway. He is a man and he needs o go on with his life and find someone who will take care of him”. As if he’s a 3 month old baby who needs help changing his diapers. Those people do not hesitate before saying this to the face of the abandoned wife herself, thinking this should make her feel better based on the “all men are the same; it’s not your fault” theory.

“Her cousin/husband divorced her without a second thought. Her family did not stand for her nor defend their daughter. On the contrary, they were ashamed that they gave a family member “A faulty wife””

A lot of women die of the sorrow they carry in their hearts which the mean cancerous cells feed on, and so they progress with at a faster pace that no treatment can stand against. About two years ago I met a 23 year old girl diagnosed with an advanced level, rapidly growing, breast cancer. She had a baby on her shoulder, a maximum of 10-15kg kiddo. To me it looked like a child carrying a child. After some time in the hospital waiting room, she opened up and talked. She got married two years ago to her cousin and gave birth to her daughter 9 months after the wedding. Six months ago she found out she has cancer. Her cousin/husband divorced her without a second thought. Her family did not stand for her nor defend their daughter. On the contrary, they were ashamed that they gave a family member “A faulty wife” to share his life with. She comes from a middle class family. She says, “I hate my life and I hate my daughter, I wish I never gave birth to her so I wouldn’t be such a bigger burden to my parents”. The poor girl was brainwashed that she feels guilty for something which she has no control over. Moreover, none dares to blame her ex husband for what he did. I felt like I was suffocating and could not believe that a 23 years old young girl has already gone through all of this. I felt small and helpless; I pitied the daughter, the girl, myself and the society we live in that allows things like this to happen every single day. I spent two years taking my treatment in that same exact hospital, but never saw her again!

“her husband of 20 years also left her once she was diagnosed. She didn’t seem to care really”

Another lady I’ve met in Alexandria more than four years ago, in an oncologist clinic where we both used to take our sessions. She was about mid 40’s with stomach cancer and her husband of 20 years also left her once she was diagnosed. She didn’t seem to care really; she told me her story in a monotonous voice until she mentioned she has children who are there for her. Her two boys took turns taking her to her sessions on time and caring for her. She used to say that she divorced one man and now she is married to two and everyone in the clinic used to laugh and joke about it. She was so strong during her course of treatment until she was finally getting better – and by getting better I mean that tumor stopped growing, but it still refused to shrink. She was always focused on not blaming her ex husband for abandoning her in front of any of her children, when I asked her why, she said that they know the truth in their hearts and that she doesn’t want to be the one ruining their fathers’ image in their eyes. Deep inside I totally disagreed with her, I wanted to shout that she should let it out and show her kids that their father role is the kind of a man they shouldn’t turn into, but I realized too fast that it’s not the place nor the time to discuss this, so I smiled back at her and moved on to a different subject to pass the time.

“Deep inside I totally disagreed with her, I wanted to shout that she should let it out and show her kids that their father role is the kind of a man they shouldn’t turn into”

Cancer is not easy and its treatment is not just about going to the sessions and undergoing surgeries. It’s a disease of the body and soul. Cancerous cells are smart and they thrive in environments surrounded by anxiety, depression, worry and discomfort. It’s no myth that surrendering to the downs in your life can be a direct cause for cancer. Not only that, but also when you’re physically undergoing treatment and ignoring the psychological aspects in your life, you will be literally poisoning your body for no reason.

“No man should be entitled to be called a man just because he happens to be a male. Real men do not leave their wives in hardships”

Our brains are much stronger than our new age culture portrays it to be, and using our brains to understand the limitations of our brains is such a paradox we will never escape. As there is no way a government will support these women and charge their men for breaking their vows, let us be the voice of these ladies. Let us shame those so-called men in every corner and every street. No man should be entitled to be called a man just because he happens to be a male. Real men do not leave their wives in hardships and if they do, they deserve to be publicly questioned over their actions. Let’s change the mindset that allows men to get away with things women cannot. It’s all a part of the same system that we all have been suffering from for years, just a new light is shed on a new area that people usually choose to ignore looking at.

 

 

Maya is an anti matter lunatic who is in a continuous journey of searching just for the love of it.

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